I have the worst possible trait -- I stop doing something as soon as it becomes hard. How to stop being like this?

kenpachitz · 2017-09-02T20:01:06+00:00

I'm like you.

Positive feedback. Giving a shit helps. Being invested.

Take lifting for example.

Seeing those numbers go up is positive feedback.

Seeing both sides of my family tree being pruned by obesity, diabetes, heart disease, blood pressure and cancer makes me give a shit.

Having dumped a large part of my money in a home gym, I'm using the sunk cost fallacy bias to my advantage.

From there, it'll teach you how to stick to other things.

brinkleybuzz · 2017-09-02T20:25:03+00:00

The solution is simple. Don't be a quitter.

You apparently don't have the drive and self motivation to accomplish things yourself, so find and join a group of other guys who will hold you accountable.

platewrecked · 2017-09-02T23:35:48+00:00

Your honesty is an incredibly rare trait. self-discipline is very difficult for most people absent some outside stimulus. I'm confident that if you had to defend your life you'd push super hard. Your struggle will be to convince yourself that short term pain is worth the long term benefits. The fact that you are recognizing your failing is a first start. Read the stoics, join an MMA gym, move to a random country where you don't know the language and have to cope, sign a contract with the French Foreign Legion. That last one, if you survive, will give you more discipline than you could ever imagine, a second citizenship, a new language and the adoration of every French girl in the history of French girls.

apollosapien · 2017-09-02T20:44:48+00:00

It's a necessity to survive. People are so inundated with privileges that they forget how much of a necessity the basics were.

What I suggest is you strip yourself down and set a routine up of things you want to do.

Wake up at the same time every morning. Go to bed before midnight.

Make plans for the gym, studies and important events on Google calendar - it's one of the most flexible timetable apps out there and comes with your Gmail account. Use it!

Make sure you're eating well. If not it's hard to get the mind as active as you want it to be.

Good luck.

Rian_Stone · 2017-09-03T00:20:34+00:00

Go out specifically to fail. You stop to save you from the concept of failure, as ego defense

mrHappyPotatoe · 2017-09-02T21:33:27+00:00

You havent been on your lowest point yet. If you reach there you might wake up. But i suggest start asking uncomfortable questions from yourself right now.

And oh. the will is myth. Theres no suvh thing only habbits and discipline.

Rudeyyyy · 2017-09-03T03:24:53+00:00

For me it was the self guilt that got to me and made me realize what a fucking loser I was being to myself. That lit a fire under my ass and motivated me to do better. Now I have 8% body fat, got promoted at my job and have less approach anxiety. My game still sucks but I'm just glad i'm putting myself out there and trying new things.

CapNGrind · 2017-09-03T15:08:14+00:00

Figure out what it is that you're afraid of.

htbf · 2017-09-03T21:49:20+00:00

Put yourself as far away from your confort zone as long as you can. That can mean taking a job overseas in a completely foreign country to you.

UniversalTA · 2017-09-02T23:35:30+00:00

There is nothing wrong with quitting things that are hard for you. I know it goes against all the possible wisdom, even red pill wisdom, but the reality is that most people don't do things that are hard and they live a good life. And even top-performers don't put hard work like it is intended in our culture.

It is difficult to explain my point of view, because I know how deeply-rooted it is in our culture the whole "hard work" thing, but I'll try my best.

You said it limits you in the gym. How it limits you in the gym? Here are the options I can think about:

You don't go to the gym: well, most people don't go to the gym, and even those that go do it in a very relaxed manner. They skip a lot of sessions, do a shitty program and yet they get good results and those who want even better results go on steroids. Then they go and preach about hard work on the internet. Welcome to reality.
You don't work hard in the gym: well, do you get paid to reach your limits? Are you an athlete? Are you a fitness guru? No, so why the hell you want to risk injury? It makes no sense at all. You need a reasonable amount of effort, nothing that could be defined as hard work. Unless you have a very specific goal in mind, that you want to achieve because you want to achieve that specific goal and not because you want the girls or something, there is no reason to put hard work.

Of course if you never go to the gym, you won't get any of the benefits you can get from the gym. But what you should ask yourself is "what benefits I want from the gym, and is the gym the best way to get those benefits?".

Then you say it limits you in your career. What do you do that limits your career? Is there a specific thing you can do that will improve your career and that you are not doing? Because almost all people don't give a fuck about improving in their career, unless they see the opportunity directly under their nose. And even then they often try to seize it even if they were completely unprepared and put "hard work" as in they crammed some questions and got lucky. Those people live good lives. Unless you are a top-performer in a specific field and you have a specific thing in mind that you really want to achieve, there is no reason to put hard work.

You also say: it limits you with women. How does it limits you with women? Please explain me. Is is really hard to get women? What the hell is this? People have fucked without any kind of hard work, how come people that supposedly should be red pilled and knew women better should put hard work to get women?

Now, as you can see I say that you need hard work only if you are a top performer. But even then, beware! You must understand that many top performers are gifted and really good at what they do. When they do their thing they don't feel the same kind of strain normal people feel. So, from the outside it looks like they are putting in hard work. And of course they are working, and of course they are putting effort in the thing. But there are two things those top-performers do that differs from non top-performers. For once, they are doing things they have a great chance of succeeding at, so they see results immediately, they see the opportunity to succeed, they get big rewards, and so they have a good reason to put real effort. And then, they are good at the thing, so they feel good after putting the effort. When you are bad at something, you don't feel good after putting the effort, because you feel like you wasted your energy and you don't get any reward.

Point is, you should put most of your energy in what gets what you want the most, and the other activities should be used to get side benefits and a better life in general. This doesn't mean that one can't have hobbies or stuff like that, or that life is effort-free but I hope you can see that there is a big difference between what it is realistically achievable and worth doing and what it is not achievable nor worth doing.

If you end up feeling like shit and telling yourself bullshit like "I am a quitter", "I am no willpower", you are probably doing something wrong and also lying to yourself. When you are not able to even get out of bed you can come and talk to me about lack of willpower.

vandaalen · 2017-09-02T20:49:05+00:00

discipline

Title	I have the worst possible trait -- I stop doing something as soon as it becomes hard. How to stop being like this?
Author	wont_tell_i_refuse
Upvotes	30
Comments	12
Date	September 2, 2017 7:35 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6xoeh2/i_have_the_worst_possible_trait_i_stop_doing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-have-the-worst-possible-trait-i-stop-doing.113605 https://theredarchive.com/post/113605

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