I think I failed a subtle shit test. Need help interpreting

Lt_Muffintoes · 2015-08-05T11:19:44+00:00

You know how you are really great at finding your way in unfamiliar locations, and map reading is second nature to you?

That is how women are with emotions. Ascribing ignorance is sketchy at best.

The saving grace is this

Please tell me when this kind of thing bothers you because I don't want these things to build up and cause resentment and explode some other time

The fact is, if she's going to lunch with colleagues for business purposes, that's one thing.
Going for one on one dates with other men is another, and I would find that unacceptable in a committed LTR, because it shows she's trying to get something from them which she is not getting from you.

The whole smoke and mirrors thing is not sustainable for 40 years.

MustafaIsHere · 2015-08-05T07:06:56+00:00

Fail. Youve shown you care more about the relationship than her. This gives her the power. u have already stated she's very attractive. Hell I'm guessing u have oneitis already with her but probably won't admit it.

Personally I would have asked if he's single or not. If she said yes he is just jump to the conclusion that he wants to fuck her but be like "awww he likes you. How often do you two lovebirds go on lunch dates?" This shows a couple things. 1.strong fucking frame. 2. Very high self esteem/worth 3. Teasing/wittyness drama that she will soak up.

You can get a little more serious about the conversation later on but let her know it's her responsibility if anything does happen n never show that you have already completely committed t the relationship. Always be ready to walk away. You are the prize not her. You want her to crave you as a man or be annoyed by an insecure boy?

It was a minor slip up don't let it happen again. Girls sniff out insecurities easily. Sometimes being insecure for a good reason may actually help you like being worried about a certain goal or certain u wont be able complete a task on time. Shows u have passion. But if it's over another guy hitting on ur girl? Lol that clock is gonna tick quick.

secret_barber · 2015-08-05T13:08:48+00:00

when I mentioned that I went to lunch with the guy from work your face changed. Please tell me when this kind of thing bothers you because I don't want these things to build up and cause resentment and explode some other time

"I'm not comfortable with you socializing with other men, when the circumstances are anything other than strictly business."

It is entirely acceptable for you to layout your expectations for the relationships you are participating in. She's absolutely right. This shit bothers you and you need to let her know. You are in a committed relationship and you are not comfortable with her entertaining other men, as innocent as she may think it is - those dudes want to fuck her.

noobforlife · 2015-08-05T17:08:20+00:00

She told you this to see how you would react, do no take her actions/words/shit-tests personally. They will be easier to deal with if you approach it this way.

In this scenario I would ignore it and move on with the conversation (not even acknowledging what she said about the lunch). However, keep in mind she is using this guy as a means of validation (one-on-one lunch).

Orbiters who are sources of easy validation are the female equivalent to you having some side pussy. Furthermore, make no mistake this dude and her other orbiters definitely want to fuck her if she is as hot as you say.

You are telling us that you are "honestly" not bothered with her going to lunch with guys from work, however your gut, body language, and posting on askTRP say otherwise. Stop trying to rationalize away what your body is telling you (and it is your body, trust me all guys have experienced these pangs of jealousy or possessiveness). Instead of trying to suppress what you are feeling, explore that feeling (but do not dwell on it) and you will understand why this bothers you.

I am not saying she is even entertaining fucking these guys (don't forget they are orbiters), however putting herself in situations like these are red flags. Then again I am very conservative when it comes to relationships and what your boundaries are will be different from mine; however I believe most guys would agree that this is not acceptable behavior in the context of a committed LTR. If you want some context look at what old religious texts and literature says about women who spend time alone with men who are not their husbands and you will see there is a lot to learn from these stories.

Personally I would not be okay at all with my LTR going on a lunch date alone with another guy (group things are a different thing and understandable). However this fact was well established before I entered into an LTR with my GF and she feels the same way about me going out solo with other chicks. However, I always keep a list of blocked numbers of previous plates/FBs/prospects and if she breaks her end of the deal I can drop her at any time and pursue others should I choose to.

I denied being bothered and told her I routinely go to lunch with female colleagues and it's fine.

Actions not words, do not explicate when it can be demonstrated. At this stage I would follow through and begin giving some girls who aren't your GF some of your valuable attention (it should be extremely valuable since you are improving yourself right?)

As an example I was getting an oil change two weeks ago and saw a random cutie and decided to chat her up. Opened up with "what's wrong with your car?" and segued into a conversation with a number close. Texted her to confirm and finished it by saying I'm travelling for business in the next month (lie to explain my absence since I am monogamous with my GF and don't intend on pursuing her). I blocked her number and don't intend on following up unless I am given reason to. However knowing I have interested prospects and that I am able to get more prospects should I need to helps keep my in abundance.

One final note: as you reflect on your feelings when she told you this try to put it in context and ask yourself if there is anything missing from your dynamic that is making her seek male attention outside of your relationship. It could be that something is missing or that she is just the type of girl who will never be satisfied and will always actively seek male attention regardless (I know AWALT but there are varying degrees of this validation seeking).

Title	I think I failed a subtle shit test. Need help interpreting
Author	enteralterego
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	August 5, 2015 5:10 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3fua1i/i_think_i_failed_a_subtle_shit_test_need_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-think-i-failed-a-subtle-shit-test-need-help.151994 https://theredarchive.com/post/151994

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