Is there something wrong with me or am I just a douche?

crosenblum · 2015-06-20T03:24:40+00:00

Really think upon your model.

If you try to be a quiet professional, that's great in your career and work life, but not so good for any social life.

Because in social situations it clearly prevents you from being a chatty, conversational person.

Maybe you need to rethink what kind of person you want to be in different situations.

Or maybe instead of modeling, try to just figure out who you are be the best person of that.

nathanielKay · 2015-06-20T03:37:16+00:00

Start with faking happy. Forcing a smile actually releases chemicals in your brain that lead to smiling for real. As you look more approachable, people will treat you as though you were more approachable, making this easier and easier to fake until it becomes real. I'm not being metaphorical; this is a real thing with clinically proven results that improves how people perceive you socially.

In the bigger picture, it's nice to want and make friends, but for a long term plan, they should be people you like to spend time with. Start by making a list (ten things or so) that describes the kind of person you yourself like to hang out with. Quiet, organized, loud, funny, soft-spoken, brash, etc. Then, consider each trait, and pick an activity or skill that would help you improve that specific trait. Do your research. Again, this is not a metaphor. Find a book on the thing you want to learn and read it. Social skills take effort just like building muscle takes effort, and you need education and practice in order to do either one successfully.

Essentially, this accomplishes two things; one, you are taking an active interest in something that improves who you are as a person, and two, these activities will engage people who also do those things, and so they will have practiced (and will show) the traits you wrote down as enjoyable. This makes socialization easier and more effective, putting you in a position to make bonds with people who share similar interests. As you work on being more approachable, you'll also become more involved in the lives of other, interesting people.

By slowly working your way through the list, you will gradually become more like the type of person you enjoy being with. You can start taking pride in what you've made of yourself, and because you are now educated and practiced, you can have confidence in yourself and be sure of your abilities. This in turn leads to better ideas and more opportunities for learning and growth, building up momentum as you travel along your years. Good luck.

ToshiroOzuwara · 2015-06-20T03:59:02+00:00

There was a good post on the main sub recently about following your inner monologue. It seemed consistent with what I have observed about chatty people.

I will PM the link to you.

U96Q69 · 2015-06-20T04:05:43+00:00

Person in charge is judging others on intellectual, mental and social.

If you have multiple stream of income from different places, you would care less about others judgement on you.

pag_el · 2015-06-20T06:09:45+00:00

commenting so I can read later

DevilishRogue · 2015-06-20T10:38:10+00:00

Resting Bitch Face can be a guy thing too. Combat it by holding a slight smile at all times, as if everything is going your way and you're just generally having a great day all around.

As for interactions with others, make a point of demonstrating that you are genuinely pleased to be having the interaction and that it adds value to you. Acknowledge good points and without overdoing it let people know that it was good talking to them. Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends And Influence People would be a good guidebook for you to start with. Check it out.

Title	Is there something wrong with me or am I just a douche?
Author	SaintMarinus
Upvotes	8
Comments	13
Date	June 20, 2015 3:02 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3ah35g/is_there_something_wrong_with_me_or_am_i_just_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-there-something-wrong-with-me-or-am-i-just-a.150261 https://theredarchive.com/post/150261

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