It's possible to be alpha while introverted?

trpadawan · 2015-04-27T12:26:31+00:00

Introverted =/= antisocial. That's a big misconception people have. Introverted simply means that you draw energy from being alone, whereas extroverted people draw energy from being in a social setting.

It doesn't mean introverts are socially inept, or that you can't succeed in a group situation. Don't think of it as a performance, just try to follow the flow of conversation and jump in when it feels appropriate. Sometimes someone else will dominate the conversation and that's okay - it doesn't mean you can't still be alpha. Keep strong body language, feel good about yourself, and play the situation as you go. See what happens. As you get more practice, it will become easier.

RunawayGrain · 2015-04-27T10:24:53+00:00

Yep. A lot of folks are under the impression that you have to be a loud asshole to be alpha. I know plenty of betaish folks who become loud assholes when drunk, and it doesn't make them alpha.

Think the nameless wanderer in fistful of dollars. Pretty damn alpha and doesn't say much, does he?

Johnny10toes · 2015-04-27T13:13:33+00:00

http://illimitablemen.com/2013/12/26/success-is-alpha-failure-is-beta/

What is alpha?

RPthrowaway123 · 2015-04-27T12:59:06+00:00

There is such thing as a strong, silent type for a reason. You don't need to be loud or outspoken. There are many different kinds of leaders and alphas.

ianmarconi · 2015-04-27T21:59:54+00:00

As a mildly introverted person who dislikes fighting for attention in crowds but kills 1 on 1... Here is my ultimate suggestion for you.

I have a group of friends who are very extroverted. You CANNOT, even if you tried, to focus attention on you in a group. I have many other friends and I feel that not only are they good at it but probably among the best that I have seen.

In the beginning I loved being around them because I would be a part of the group and would constantly listen in. Well, as I got more comfortable the notion of chiming in was kind of alluring. So, I tried a few times occasionally only to get part of a word out. I would try to time the transition from one persons thought and I jump in right after, giving enough time to pause and for me to take the floor.

For about a good month or more my openings would just be flat out stomped by one of them just trampling over anything I was going to add. So, for awhile I just kind of help my own place and listened in. I definitely thought about what I wanted to say or pitch in right there in the moment, the only problem is was that it was all internal and no one knew about it but me.

Then I started to fight for position and I would try and talk over them and get some of my thoughts in. It worked but it is not in my nature and it is not in theirs to listen. They constantly talk over each other anyway and its just normal they don't care the way I do and nor do they think about it. So, fighting for it was just as fruitless once I did get mine in but the effort to do so was just as tough and it just flat out wasn't worth it, back to being silent in groups.

So, here's the GOLDEN GOLDEN nugget... Two of them.

I always thought when I was in group convos the concept was for everyone to talk, get a chance to speak, and have fun. I wanted to speak but also for people to stay in the circle and not only hear others but hear me too. It killed me that I could do that...

Then I though, why don't I just not be a part of this conversation....Lightbulb!!!

What I have found that works the best is the ones that are talking are so enthralled with not only their stupid story or quip, but bask in the glory of others that are listening... The problem with this is that a good sized group has about 2 or 3 talkers and then 6 or so or whatever people are there that are just now forced to listen....

They also would like to talk and want an opportunity to do so, with anyone...

So, as an introvert, if I am ever in a big group like that, I don't even care to try to talk to the group, ill listen in to whatever subject and once I come up with the relatable topics I have, I usually find the closest girl to me or person and just tap them on the shoulder and have my own conversation with them. Like hey I was in a similar scenario once did that ever happen to you? Yeah1 How funny.... before you know it you traded that group convo for one persons attention or two.

I do this all the time and I love it because it soothes my personality well....Over time I've added things in to create more separation. Ill initiate a convo 1 on 1 and then a few minutes later, hey lets grab a beer real fast. You get a beer but you don't go to the group, you grab an open table.. Hey lets sit here I really want to hear your take on this, we'll go back there in a bit yeah?

It is gold and your friends wont miss you much at first. you have been an audience member in their story telling for year snow.

Well, over time they start to notice and theyre like hey how come you always leave? Just say oh well I just started to talk to her about such and such so we decided to go over here. They'll more than likely get in on that conversation too. you'll find that extroverts struggle with smaller crowds, extroverts often struggle one on one. They are in a different environment, out of their element and generally be more quiet than before. They'll see your value and more than likely ask you to teach them how to talk to girls like that. Teach them.. Once they get a decent grasp, your loud, conversation domination friend has a new skill to play with and will do it himself and so will you and things will get fun.

pahispua · 2015-04-27T10:30:20+00:00

"Fake it til you make it"

argentinean · 2015-04-27T17:32:34+00:00

Introverted dude here (INTJ). Sometimes introverts can be pretty alpha (more of the silent- type of alpha). Using fictional characters, think about Walter White. Or Abe Lincoln IRL.

Being introvert gives you a pretty important edge in social relationships if you know how to profit from it without becoming a weirdo or antisocial dude.

forgetful_storytellr · 2015-04-27T18:41:22+00:00

I'm naturally inclined to be introverted.

However, my job requires me to maintain a highly sociable personality. I've learned to dominate social interactions to the point that anyone who only knows me in my professional setting would assume that I was a raging extrovert.

Social competency is learned.

Real8inchDong · 2015-04-27T19:35:57+00:00

Also an INTJ chiming in. There is a important difference between being introverted and having social anxiety/being shy.

While I do keep to myself 90% of the time, when I interact with people I speak clearly and confidently. Just as others say, go with the flow try to be in the moment and outside of your head. Social skills are to be practiced like anything else.

intelcorei5 · 2015-04-27T20:41:18+00:00

Totally possible. many threads on this.

Title	It's possible to be alpha while introverted?
Author	ianmarconi
Upvotes	5
Comments	17
Date	April 27, 2015 9:51 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/340ijz/its_possible_to_be_alpha_while_introverted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/its-possible-to-be-alpha-while-introverted.148369 https://theredarchive.com/post/148369

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