Hi all,

Found TRP recently and I can assure you that lots of things have started surfacing in my conscious and I cannot relax tonight so I will just try to put my thoughts in order and post here.

Some background

“Nice guy” , 37 , had been super nice actually. Obese in the past (rings a bell?), always have been working hard and have it as a value given from home not to be a burden to anyone. Lost father @ 13 y.o , cancer, mother was filling in for him, never married again , devoted to raising me and my brother and take care of older parents in the same time. Tragic figure in a way but in the same time overprotective , was never emancipated but really wise , she had told me to never “bow” to any women but never elaborated. I understood long time after. The setting is a small Mediterranean island. I was not free though.

In spite of all that I had my small revolutions, I partied extensively, took lots of acid and been to lots of raves. Loved it. At some point I packed up and left on my own to be able to live my life more free from the constrains of the small island and society.

Ended up in the UK, in which I have always been working hard and I used to party a lot.

On the women front I feel i failed. Period. I was usually fat/slightly overweight, nice guy always, helping others etc. Used to have many female friends that they kept telling me their problems. In the start I thought that it was a great way to get insight to their world but in reality only the fact that being a nice guy makes things worst. I end up as their emotional tampon.

Met a few girls, the first one left me running because the “chemicals of love” had made me losing the plot in a way, I was very much infatuated with her, so I though it was love..But I was just clingy so she had no use of me I suppose.

The second did the real damage as she was riding the cock carousel and I lost it there too..She just dumped me one day for another cock openly and blatantly. It was really hard for me. I was alone and without any direction , my friends could not offer me any help that could explain the whole thing.I was getting isolated as nobody was really giving a fuck . An older experienced male on the right time can work miracles in my opinion for someone troubled with women. But I had no-one.

I can say that these happened many years ago and I still carry this person inside me and i cant get rid of it. By keep thinking of someone for so long it creates a circuit in the brain, the more you think about it the stronger it gets. You cant just get rid of it that easy. That is simple neuroscience. You need to explain that to a younger guy to see what the implications of his thoughts could be.

Anyway lots of crap happened between us , she stopped talking to me , I left, she left but I had been always trying to keep in touch. She never replied until one day, years passed , so we resumed contact and I see her once in a blue moon for a coffee etc on friendly terms as we both ended up in the same city. I didn't know she was here when I moved over . For the record I have to say and confirm , she is close to 40 and fucked up big time, trying really hard to fix the irresponsibility of the past.

What I have to say about this to all you guys out there is don't waste your life for a woman. For a modern woman at least. For the "emancipated" by default women that they don't even know who set them free and why. They will not look inside you and moreover there will be someone “alpha” around that they can play with. Maybe in another era but not now. And by all means you have to become that “alpha” not for her or just to fuck, but for your sanity and wellbeing first and foremost.

I have wasted lots of time ,effort thoughts and tears for someone that would never give a fuck about me. I was dispensable , a utility for her. It is a pill hard to swallow. I remember I had a woman taking me by the hand in a party and I couldn't go with her... I was that fucked up in the head.

A few women came along after took what they wanted and went.

Someone would argue that I should have seek professional help but it think that is bullshit. As much as I acknowledge the science of psychology and the help of psychoanalysis I felt that would be mental rape to myself. The fact that female friends of mine insisted on sending their boyfriends to therapy was driving me even crazier, because this is what they do when they cannot properly control them. They send them to psychologists to solve their issues but in my opinion what is happening is they are bringing them in line with the rest of the world. Being a compliant or beta as you guys seem to call it.

I am going to deviate from the subject slightly and I want to say that I read that many people see there is a “left” of Marxist influence in all that but I see it much simpler and maybe in the Europeans might sound more easy to understand. In order for capitalism to maximize profits , it was inevitable to set women free and by doing that we run after them as our instincts drive us with all the consequences that we read on TRP. So we spend more and more on women and everyone is “happy”. The people who are doing public policy know very well how things work and have plenty of data and time to analyze them with teams of scientists and psychologists. It is not a conspiracy theory, it is the reality, they can sell you a car and they make an advertisement with hot girls etc .. Pussy can move mountains …

Sometime ago and before I find this Reddit and all the mgtow related stuff I had some health problem which I fixed and then I decided that I have to lift and keep in shape as I was falling apart completely. No doctor told me to lift by the way, so fucked up is the health system. And when I say lift I mean strength training , not bodybuilding. SS or 5x5.

Lifting made me feel good and I realized that I can do more , so I took up an instrument. Cut ties from my stoner friends and basically for the last 3 years I am in monk mode. Lost 20 kg, looks so much better, learnt a lot about nutrition and obviously working hard to make money to travel.

By spending long time alone I found all the mgtow community and the such which I can say offer some relief but opens massive questions, but the TRP doesn't help me sleep or concentrate now.

For the last few days I haven't been to the gym or practice the instrument properly. Work sucks me up and I feel isolated and TRP is in my head.

Also, a girl moved into the house too that is a real hamster that constantly talks about her boyfriend and that she might break up with him and then how strong he is and it drives me nuts, the last thing I wanted is a hamster in the house share. I hate all this blather like there is no tomorrow.

I keep reading TRP at work and at home and I feel I am losing the plot.

In theory i know what to do but i feel really I am overwhelmed. Any suggestions welcomed