Background

I've been living with this girl since the start of the year. She's 22 and a student from china, I'm 26 and work full time. Moved in about 2 months after hooking up (too soon I know), and it has been great. She cooks most meals, hooked us up a threesome with her friend and is a sweet girl. She probably will have to move back home in ~9 months.

At the start of the relationship I was being dumb and still hanging out with my ex. I took the Jordan Peterson route and tried being honest with her and rightfully she got pretty shitty about it. We had a few fights and I stopped talking to my ex (~6 months ago).

After this the relationship was mostly smooth sailing but every 1 - 2 months she would find something to get upset about. Lots of times it was related to my ex and how I 'cheated' (emotionally) on her. Most of the time I don't give a fuck and then she gets over it in a day or two. Sometimes I care a little and try to talk it out and make her feel better so it doesn't happen again. These times things go terrible as I spend too much time defending myself and normally end with her 'wanting to break up'. When this happens I just back off a bit or try and fuck her good and then things come back to normal.

To me this seems like a normal relationship. She's a moody teenager and finds something she wants to fight about. It annoys me that it's always the same thing but what can you do. These days I'm pretty nonreactive just minimize and say nothing happened but she always brings it up anyway. The thing is I do care about her and want to get over it, that way she can be more comfortable and secure/happy.

Question

I know she needs drama in her life but I would prefer if it wasn't about when I fucked up. How do I best go about making this happen? I've tried to fix it by doing things like

  • Explain to her how living in the past is bad
  • Explain reframing techniques
  • Emphasize the positive aspects of our relationship (many)

But most the time it makes it worse. Each time the argument comes up she says we should break up and I just pretty much say "you can do that if you want to but you shouldn't because I/we are great". Still playing into her frame a bit. My options now seem like

  1. NGAF/Totally ignore her when she is upset a bitch and distance myself. I don't really like this one because it seems like she is genuinely upset and not just making a scene for the sake of it. It probably would work in the short term.

  2. Pretend to be angry at her for bringing it up all the time and getting in the way of us being happy. I'm normally a pretty calm person and not one to lose my temper so I think this could be effective. When she has a problem I'll also rarely tell her what is right and tend to try and push her in the right direction to sort it out herself.

  3. Manufacture artificial drama once per month so her hamster is too busy. I try to do this a bit too but honestly there is only so many times you can say "I think the waitress wants my dick".

Any advice or similar situations and how you resolved them appreciated.