Here's the scenario:

Hey guys.

So I recently started dating this girl. She is awesome, we have great chemistry and get along really well. Intelligent, emotionally intelligent, sexy, hardworking, doesn't drink or smoke - the whole package.

From the very beginning of our relationships I framed it as me the "rough and tough player trying to find the meaning of love" and her being my learning partner with how to be more gentle and loving. I've never been in love before so I'm excited at the prospect of learning what it's like.

This is my first relationship.

I was careful to set some rules and expectations before we started dating. I told her that communication is vital, we must be open about ourselves and honest with each other. I told her that we should approach this with the mindset of wanting to become better people, and that since nothing lasts forever that we should aim to ultimately walk away from our time together as better people.

She really liked the sound of that and agreed to follow my rules.

There is one red flag about the relationship however:

She told me last night that she was a victim of sexual assault several times when she was younger. I haven't learned very much from her background yet but I don't have any reason to not believe what she told me. It is true that women will lie about their sexual histories and being raped but she has been very straightforward and open with me about everything else which is why I feel justified in taking her word as true.

Anyways, her history has pervaded into the bedroom. I am naturally a pretty dominant sexual being, and I think that I might have frightened her. If what she told me is true, then I have to understand that even some things that people generally perceive as "vanilla" sexual acts might be crossing a boundary for her.

We were having sex this morning. I had her bent over the side of my bed and I was going in from behind. That was when I decided to put my thumb in her butthole. She said stop and then became emotional because she felt like I forced something on her that she didn't want.

We stopped having sex after that. Damn.

After we got dressed I hugged her and while she was in my arms I told her that I don't want her to feel like I'm preying on her, but at the same time I don't want to feel like I'm walking on eggshells in the bedroom. I told her to reflect today on what it means to be submissive in the bedroom and how to balance that with setting proper boundaries. I think she would be really happy submitting in the bedroom but her history of being sexually assaulter represents an obstacle to attaining that.

Questions:

We have a great relationship all around, except I must admit that I have not been sexually satisfied lately. When we do have sex it is usually pretty good but I feel like her rape thing is getting in the way.

Naturally, I am suspicious of whether she is being truthful. Not only in the sense of whether she was actually raped but also in the sense that I wonder if she is using this to manipulate me. Again, I am inexperienced with relationships so I don't quite know how to proceed.

On the one hand, I can work with her to move beyond her sexual history and we can proceed to have an awesome sex life. This would represent a serious investment on my part but I believe I am equipped with the leadership capabilities to handle it.

On the other hand, it might not be worth it.

What do you guys make of the situation?

I really like this girl and am willing to help her through her sexual issues if it means that we will have a great relationship together. But at the same time, I am really abundant and could easily take my chances with other girls - but due to my current circumstances it might be difficult to find one that I have such great chemistry with.

Should I push forward and help her learn to be comfortable submitting in the bedroom at the expense of personal resources and time - or should I next her and find something else at the expense of losing an otherwise fantastic relationship?

Am I being a bitch? Is there any way that I've been mishandling the relationship that has led to this?

Also, for those who have had to make choices like this before, what did you learn from the experience? Is there anything I should keep in mind when dealing with this situation that will promote personal growth?