I'm seeking some seasoned veterans' advice on this very nuanced situation. I'm not new to TRP and have all my shit in line. Really looking for old-man wisdom, preferably those who are married. This is a serious LTR woman that I could foresee a family coming from, and that is the path we both want to trek.

I'd been hooking up with this chick since this past May. I'm an 8 and she's a 6, maybe 7. Strong SMV ratio in terms of an LTR. Everything is fucking phenomenal and she has tons of LTR qualities. We have an established captain/firstmate dynamic and she loves it. I'm only with her because of how receptive she is to it. Wholly submissive to me. Even as just a plate, she was very different to all my others I'd ever had. I knew she was a high quality woman. And I know that I am one of the very few (if not only) AF guys she's had a thing with, especially as she's an engineering student and there aren't many alphas in that discipline.

We made it official in August. Having her around the house adds a lot of value to my life; she loves her role as woman (or firstmate) to me. We are both in our last years of college and seeing each other once a month. There's been some distance involved, and initially I took a very bland "stoic" approach to maintaining the relationship. I figured, if I make her miss me by putting very minimal emotional investment into it, I'd keep her hooked. I set some stern boundaries at the onset and she immediately abided. It is of my honest belief that over time I was simply not connecting with her emotions positively enough to meet her needs. I fucked up there and have learned. This is one of the stipulations I want the commenters to mention. I may have "spooked" her by being this emotionless while having the SMV ratio in place. Perhaps she felt it was "fake" in a sense.

The issue is that we've been doing distance (see each other once a month for 4-5 days) and in December, I found out she had reconnected with a guy she knew for about 5yrs all throughout college and started sending pics to him. To my knowledge, they've hooked up sparingly at best. He's across the country now and not at all a physical threat. She has been in two LTRs and "cheated" on both with him, which she revealed to me after this incident. The second LTR was like a rebound and she herself explains it like it was a security blanket lasting one year. The first was an on-and-off thing for three years (also the guy she lost her virginity to) due to the guy being an unsure beta. Cheating in her books entails kissing at a bare minimum; it sounds to me that they've fooled around at most and have never actually had sex. Both of her previous LTRs have been with hard betas.

So back in December I found out she was starting to send pics to this guy. Broke up with her right when I found out; deleted/blocked everything of her. She got me via my email a few days later. We ended up talking those few days later and discussed how things had been. Clarified our needs to each other. I dropped the bullshit with being bland/stoic/emotionless by showing her my fun side (which was in full-swing over the summer; I'd only foregone that since the distance became a factor -- loss of frame? This might've been a major issue/catalyst.). We decided to pick things back up. She said she basically told him to fuck off and that he ruined the best thing she'd had in her life (fucking female hypoagency...). He responded in a largely beta manner, apologizing to her profusely. She deleted/blocked him on the mediums she had to him right when I confronted her about it. Snapchat and phone number. To me this signals that she was instantly guilty of seeking some emotional connection, but was ultimately more dedicated to me, despite the distance being harsh on her.

All was fine and I restated some boundaries. She fell in line. About a week ago, I saw that she and him became friends on facebook. They had not been friends on facebook at least spanning back to before the summer. I called her right when I saw it and blew up at her. Told her I was livid that she would do that given what happened in December. I felt it more necessary to apply some pain than to play some bullshit amused mastery angle, so I don't consider this a loss of frame. She said she wasn't thinking and that since she'd put that in the past, nothing would come of it. Even if he tried to hit her up, she'd be able to gain some closure by putting the final nail in the coffin. I can't accept that answer and told her that. That she was seeking some plausibly deniable "access" to him. At the same time, he's shown himself to be a beta, and is across the country.

I told her there would have to be punishment for her doing this. She instantly begged me to forgive her and suggested that she delete all her social media so that I wouldn't have to question what was going on on her end. She also suggested she delete all males who weren't family/business contacts from her phone. I told her I agreed as that is what I had in mind going into the convo. She gladly did so. For the record, as part of her LTR qualities, she was almost never active on social media, and didn't talk to many guys at all despite being a chick in engineering.

So now I'm at a place where I am very uncertain how to proceed. She is very sweet, submissive/feminine, knows her place, and most importantly, adds tons of value to my life beyond pussy. But, she sent these pics in December. ...But, I was not fulfilling her emotional needs at the time from not only my demeanor but from the distance as well. ...Buuut, she did recently add this guy on facebook. ...Buuuuut, she sacrificed all social media right when I brought it up to appease me. And I'm also trying to cope with the idea of her requiring my guidance/leadership (telling her to not accept a facebook add or whatever) and her not needing the training wheels.

She may have a plethora of LTR qualities, but this shit she has with this guy is absolutely a deal breaker to me. The issue I'm trying to cope with is, is me reacting to this beta's advances a loss of frame? Am I being insecure?

We have about 1.5 months of the distance left, and when we're together in person (hell, even the distance has been positive despite this one thing back in December), there are absolutely zero issues. She is very pleasurable to be around. I don't want to toss this fish back in the water if it's a 24-pounder that has plenty of time for me to fatten up and the "ideal" weight is a 25-pounder, if that makes sense. I'm also thinking that perhaps this bump in the road is part of the toll to pay for attempting to do distance. Lesson fucking learned; no matter how well you know your game, the lack of physicality will fester and show up somewhere.

I'd apologize for this being lengthy, but this is a very important decision I have to make in my life right now. Thank you for taking the time to read it all and to respond if you choose to do so.