I’ll start this off by saying I’m a 19 Y/O above average looking guy. About a year ago I was Captain BluePill. I had severe betaness for a complete thot that I was explicitly FWB with and after we had sex twice my clinginess completely dried her up. I didn’t care about the girl herself but the idea of consistent sex with a hot girl completely overwhelmed me. After she made it clear we wouldn’t be sleeping together anymore, I cut all contact. I fell into a void because while I’ve truly been on my purpose (I want to be an investment banker) since at least the time I was 14, I realized I drove this girl away and my life was a void for at least a month or two. As a result, I decided to start lifting to make her jealous/regret leaving me. I see now that this was extremely misguided. However, my motivation for lifting and grinding in the classroom has become centered around getting more girls. I became determined to not make the same beta mistakes as before (not caring about SMV, general BluePilledness) and I found lifting as a way to move past this girl. While this has been a powerful source of motivation, I am worried that this runs contrary to RP. I know I should be solely focused on making myself better, but all I can think about is raising my SMV and I feel like I’m putting the pussy on a pedestal given most of my actions revolve around getting more in the future. I don’t know if this is normal or a potentially toxic mentality that I need to nip in the bud.

TL; DR

I used to be textbook BluePilled. Is having girls as motivation to improve yourself a helpful tool or a harmful manifestation?