The way my most recent “relationship” ended has me wondering what if anything I need to change.

For context I am a 22 year old guy in my last year at uni. I need to give a little backstory into my headspace at the time for you to grasp what has been going on.

About 3 months ago I broke up with my first real LTR of 2 years. Couldn’t really give an explanation other than the relationship was never that great to begin with. I was a pretty disgusting human being, completely quit the gym and spent my days drinking, doing drugs, gambling and just being an all around degenerate.

This girl was clearly very attracted to the bad boy image I have in my fraternity/social circles, but repulsed that she felt attracted to this lifestyle. I liked the fact that she completely enabled my laziness. She would come over every night at 1am, we would have mid sex, she would wake me up at 7 to have sex again and leave at 8 am while I rolled back to sleep. She didn’t want to go on dates or do anything other than go to my fraternity house, where she got the VIP treatment from my brothers while I stuffed my nostrils with blow. I had higher social status than this girl, particularly when we met (I stopped engaging as much socially) and it was clear this plus my bad boy, willing to scrap at a moments notice way I carry myself kept her hooked on me.

My roommates felt this girl was taking advantage of me, but I never paid for anything, never did anything I didn’t want to, knew she was not fucking other dudes and had consistent sex 7+x a week. Yeah, I could’ve done a little better looks wise and she sucked to hang out with, but I was fat lazy and decently satisfied for a year and a half.

I genuinely felt relieved and ready to have this end, but it took her walking away to finish this off. About a month after this had ended, I was feeling slightly down but also relieved this dead end LTR was over. One night, I made the unforgivable mistake of taking her home from the bar under the pretense that “we could have 24 hours” to fuck around and have no consequences. This lasted for about a month, and it was never great. I resented her and she resented me, my friends had genuine shame for me, and I just didn’t feel great about myself. About a month into us having sex again, I absolutely freaked out on her while I was coked up, and she never wants to see me again.This time I was pretty shaken up. I felt terrible because this time it was unquestionably my fault that things ended. I took trips to visit friends at different unis to try to get my mojo back but nothing worked.

A couple of weeks ago, my fraternity threw its biggest party of the year. I went in with the mindset of fucking anything that moved. I’ll spare you the fanfic, but I pulled a solid 8.5/10 (probably the hottest girl there tbh). What I thought would be an incredible bounce back and one night stand to bring me back ended up wrecking me mentally.

For additional context, I’ve been using drugs for years. However it’s gotten pretty out of hand lately, and I’ve been drinking and smoking daily religiously along with doing blow, painkillers, Xanax multiple times a week.

Back to the supposed one night stand. I even made a joke to try to get this girl out of my place, but she stayed the entire Sunday and hung out with me and my friends while we watched football, ate wings, drank and did drugs. Almost immediately this girl became OBSESSED with me. Texting 24/7, initiating plans every single day, sleepovers every night. Hell this girl did my laundry and decorated my depressing place for the holidays. I know not to be too available, but when I would come up with an excuse (“I’m too busy and my teams playing”) she would rebuttal with “I’ll just come over and do your work so you can enjoy the game”. Again like my LTR I never really did anything I didn’t want to. I knew this was not red pill behavior, but I naively ignored my learnings and instead thought maybe I just got blessed with a unicorn.

This went on for about 2.5 weeks, until she got dry, asked to come over and talk and told me A) I am a drug and sex addict and she doesn’t like or tolerate either, B) this was way too intense and too sudden for her and she was neglecting her other relationships/responsibilities C) she didn’t want to have an LTR in her final year of uni.

I think all 3 of those points are very valid, and I reiterated that I didn’t want an LTR right now either, but I can’t help but feel blindsided. I get it, women come and go and this girl probably had something seriously wrong if she was doing all this for me when I gave her nothing besides dick in return. However, to have the relationship end because of my drug habits is disgusting. I loved how she behaved and she was hot, I know it’s not red pill but given how shitty my LTR was I did really want this to work in some capacity, at least for the remainder of uni.

I made a comment at some point during this that I thought was holding frame but now I’m not sure. She wanted to get me to go Christmas shopping or some bs with her and I said “I just hope you know I don’t put the drugs down for anyone”. Obviously I’m disgusted with my drug usage but is this even frame? One of my mistakes(?) was that I told her I would get clean when she was breaking it off with me. Is there still hope for me to come back to her in a couple of months and show her that I’ve made significant changes to being a better man? I’m also having a lot of trouble reconciling this “bad boy do whatever I want” persona that seems to suck in girls versus just being a nicer, cleaner cut guy. I know I need to be the best version of myself regardless of women, but I enjoy doing drugs and gambling. Do I need to quit or at least hide that side of me to girls? I always felt like I’d rather be scary than friendly to girls, but is my mentality inherently flawed? I guess I’m just wondering where I went wrong, and if next time I just need to force myself to be unavailable or if I truly need to make some big changes to how I present myself.

Sorry for the rant boys, just been tearing me up and I would really appreciate knowing where you feel I went wrong with this new girl, if there’s a chance to land her again, and what to do going forward in terms of how I approach my next potential LTR. Cheers.