I've been reading a looooot of Red Pill posts, threads, articles etc. I agree with lots of it otherwise I wouldn't be here, but I find some stuff too extreme and some I can't indentify with it (IDK if I'm alone in this) Like the RULE number 6. I can't understand how men throw everything away in order for monogamy while women can't love the way we expect them to since in all my relationships I was unhappy (and they never lasted) cause I tried monogamy (there wasn't even another option in my head at the time). They, in the other hand were extremelly happy to be in love even though most of them was richer/higher status than me. All I had was game, arrogant mask, and now looks.

I was at my prime with more girls than I can handle, 2 years without drinking, eating healthy and clean, meditating. Self developing like never. Till I find this girl. We fell for eachother the third day we were together. She started feeling afraid I might lose interest or disapear, I was afraid about her leaving, I was afraid about me. To hurt her, to become the possessive jealous guy I am when in a relationship.

When she realized it was mutual she was happy all the time to be in love. I was miserable cause I didn't want to be in love. I didn't want monogamy, I was loving my life single before her. That came to a point, 1 month in +-, that I talked to her about it. I had to have it open for me, I was on a path I couldn't stop i would be unhappy if I tried monogamy. She would be my girlfriend and only love, the others would be just casual sex.

It was easier than I thgouth. She said she didn't know if she could do it but would give it a try.

In the meantime she was down for threesomes, so we had a lot of threeway makeouts and some threesomes. Which she loved, and all arranged by me. She can't aproach a girl if her life depends on it even though she's 10 times more extrevorted than me. She thinks I'm a god for what I do with girls in front of her.

We started fighting a lot for minor things, and jealously of both parts but speacially me. She tried to change the arrangement 2 times after I fucked the first girl alone (without her) but ended up sticking with it. After fighting way more than any healthy realtionship could handle (I was being overwhelming) she broke up with me.

I though i would be ok but I was miserable. In a week I could get her back but had to accept a few conditions. And the biggest of them, in her words"it's either open for both of us, or closed for both of us (which is what I want), or no relationship at all" Closed still means menages and getting other girls together but I need that alone.

I'm not really happy I feel like I had the power of the relationship for 4 months and when we were apart I found a side of her that I didn't like. A side that tried to hurt me through messages, instastories, photos etc. Now when we came back she said "lets go slwoly I still need time."

2 days later she was all over me, loving, and wanting to take pictures kissing. She couldn't hold for long, she got back for real. I, on the other hand, am thinking a lot. I won't be happy on a close relationship and I won't handle her with other guys, even though she said (and I anticipated that) she wouldn't evne fuck with other guys, that was outiside of her reallity, just perhaps make out with them. I know that would be to get back at me...

She's testing the field a lot. Cutting her hair, which she knew I loved, posting a picture I didn't want her to post (I actually said ok, post it but she did while we we're on a break so it was a cheap shot), and now getting drunk at a party I couldn't go because of logistics even though she invited me and it was with her familly. (we have that agreement that she can drink but not to the point of getting drunk cause she blacks out and forgets everything).

I'm confused on what directions to take. She wants monogamy (except for threesomes with girls) I want it open for me but not for her. I don't see how the 6th rule apply here and in all my other realtionships and... I don't really know what to do here.

Most adivses come from my male friends "Just date her and cheat". And some from my female friends "Just close it, you love her, be with her for good!".

I don't like either of this options even though cheating is becoming more and more close to reallity (specially after she said "We could close the relationship and you could be fucking everyone and I would never know... I hope you don't though". Almost like she wanted that... just ot hear its clsoed and live a fantasy).