I've talked about this with many throwaways on different subreddits, but I wanna see TRP's angle on this. Note: I'm a high school student.

Basically, I met this girl, blah blah, fall in love with her. Cheesiest stuff ever. Be in friendzone for what I believe has been years, most of it spent in denial, some of it spend thinking what I was doing was right.

She's as a person specific in this incredible ability to live in the moment, which I so much envy. Like she doesn't give a flying fuck. I don't ever see a person like that getting broken up over a partner, or truly upset about anything. But with this comes basically the premise that she'll friend a thousand people and forget about them unless she is implicitly forced into conversation with them. She'll find someone interesting, have fun for two days, then get bored of him, not talk to him for a year, and then repeat.

As someone who was in love with her, this hurt like a bitch. I'd openly be told I was her best friend (Which I later when confronted worked out to "One of my best friends") but the notion always seemed laughable to me. Well go out, have a great time and then not talk for a week. I wouldn't initiate conversation because I'd seem needy and she wouldn't reciprocate most of the time.

But anyway, those moments where I was with her and I was her "best friend" were pure bliss, like I was drugged on opiates or something. I was never the "nice guy", or at least not the usual one. I didn't do stuff for her, be this, be that, 90% of our conversation consisted of me teasing her brains out.

And we got kinda close. Now, I wanna say that at my age, in my area, teens aren't as promiscuous as they would be in say, the USA or UK or whatever. And when I was with her, I slowly got her to let me (or at least be only a little bugged) by grabbing her butt, this that. We'd watch movies together occasionally, cuddle up, have non-sensual lip contact and shit.

Like, really really good friends...

At least while I was with her. What I couldn't get over is that one day we could be out and do all the aforementioned stuff and then for a week we would basically walk past each other. In a school environment, I was pretty unlikely to ever hold her attention. She would be with other guys, doing just regular shit. Talking, nothing serious. But it still hurt as a bitch. I was obsessed, addicted to the one person that's been giving me these sparse moments of happiness.

And for one time, I loved this. I was not committed to anything, I got to do pretty much anything two couples my age in their early stages would do together. And then something happened that broke me to tears.

Basically, I got into a situation where I was on a vacation with her and my best friend, who is a super alpha guy, natural gamer, crazy good. Probably somewhat of a dark triad type. Now they were friends too but nothing serious.

And she just for the whole duration of vacation forgot me and focused on him. Somehow he managed to tame this seemingly wild untamable beast that is her to be with her whenever he wanted.

Now they weren't a pair, again, this wasn't anything romantic, but it broke me.

There was nothing I could give to this girl that my best friend couldn't do and do it better. I was an obsolete, lite version of another person. Good when there is nothing else better. I am actually getting teary as I write this.

And from then on, the two of us only got together once more, and we pretty much did the same stuff, I perhaps got to aggressive with how much I groped her to death, it was stupid.

But I said no more. I can't let myself be obsessed with this one girl who is not that special (though she surely may seem like that at times). I can't let myself feel like shit any time she's with another guy.

So what I did, I just stopped talking to her. Which is hard, because we are forced to see each other every day, but I did it. As I expected, she didn't notice for a whole fucking month (ha, best friends) and now occassioanly still asks me why I wont talk to her and gets slightly angry and then like everything else, forgets about it until she is reminded by my presence that "hey, I'm friends with this guy"

Now I'm getting better, I feel. The periods where I long for her are getting shorter, I've been able to feel good and glowing while she was around sitting in another dude's lap, but I still get that moody fit every now and then and I just have to cry my eyes out.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing here by not talking to her. The other option would be to try to alpha up, but I'll never get to be as alpha as my best friend is, and she pretty much switched from being with me sometimes to being with him every other day.

I can't win in that pissing contest, so what am I to do?

Forget both of them, talk to other people?

I don't know, this was partially a rant, sorry it came out long and thanks to anyone who reads it. Input would be fantastic.