hello,

i've been RPed since my late twenties, currently in my mid-thirties. had the usual "BP life" before, multiple failed LTRs of putting women on a pedestal, being cheated on while cohabitating, generally being beta in life, etc and learning lessons the hard way.

since +5 years I'm following RP/MGTOW/Stoicism and it's been one of my lives' biggest changes, again the usual realizations and results - women, lifting, being social, doing stuff on my own/traveling, started my own startup, etc.

For a few years I was figuratively invincible - a mission, money, social status, women - a fulfilling life, couldn't have been better.

As the years did go by though and with it the women, friends and projects - I've been feeling very empty and lost my purpose. I've been questioning everything lately.

I feel like everything repeats and nothing matters - the way and the struggle itself was much more fulfilling than the results, achieving the unthinkable when I thought it was impossible was great, but it's not sustainable. There always needs to be more/better/faster, I need to "keep struggling" - but truth be told, I "struggle" less and less, my life is actually great, im just not happy.

I've realigned and re-evaluated my mission multiple times, but in the grand scheme of things shit does not matter. Sure, I could try even harder and get more/prettier girls more often, but for what? earn 30% more, but for what? Begin another startup.. but for what?

What's the alternative? Go back to my BP life or chase BP dreams?

Have a House, Wife, Job and thinking about Kids? Too bad, let your guard down once and things happen you can't control (cheating etc.) and everything crumbles.

My problem is that I now see no purpose no matter how I look at things - everyone seems to be chasing what they don't have, but when they have it, it's not fulfilling, no matter what it is.

In other words, I was happier when I was chasing but not achieving, as I never realized that shit does not matter. I'm not sure what even matters anymore, if at all.

How do I get out of this mindset?