Setting boundaries

FollowerTRP · 2019-07-22T08:19:29+00:00

Only rock solid frame helps you here.

Ideally, you make it transparent what you tolerate and what you do not tolerate by not communicating this overtly, but by actions.

It is obvious that any girl will test the boundary, as any child would do. If you give second chance, then it's clear she can mess with you, and she will.

"if you sleep with him again then I’m not talking to you anymore” - do not say that. If you are in relationship with her, you do not have to say this because it's obvious. If you have problem your plate/fwb is sleeping with someone else, you walk away.

Read up soft next and hard next. Actually, read up the sidebar because you did not do it.

KirthWGersen · 2019-07-22T15:20:50+00:00

Boundaries are not rules for others; they are rules for you, i.e. what you will do if others act in certain ways. You don't have to verbalise it, you simply have to know what you will do if the boundary is crossed.

For instance, you don't want to be around a friend who gets aggressive when he is drunk. If he gets aggressive when he is drunk, you leave. Let him deal with his own problems.

In the future, you leave before he gets drunk or you only do things with him that don't involve drinking. That way he cannot reach your boundary.

Normal, respectful people sense your boundaries and stay away from them. That is simple politeness.

Some people want to test your boundaries. So with them, set your tolerance a good distance from your boundary. That way, when you react, no harm is done to you, as your boundary hasn't been crossed, but you have now confirmed that they don't respect your boundaries. You can then act accordingly.

You can test others' boundaries the same way. You may be surprised to find that some people, with low self esteem, seem to have none. Be wary of them: they won't recognise your boundaries and the next thing you know, they'll be "borrowing" your stuff, screaming insults at you at 3 in the morning and abusing your kindness.

Project_Zero_Betas · 2019-07-23T01:31:30+00:00

If the girl values you and the relationship, she should know where the boundaries are without being explicit about them.

For example if I say “if you sleep with him again then I’m not talking to you anymore” or is that too much and should it be more subtle?

If you honestly feel the need to say this, I can tell you already she doesn't respect you.

Title	Setting boundaries
Author	AboveAll2017
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	July 22, 2019 8:08 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cgaem1/setting_boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/setting-boundaries.246228 https://theredarchive.com/post/246228

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