She has total control over my finances

mister_barfly75 · 2015-03-16T13:13:06+00:00

Set up a new account with a new bank and transfer all of your existing funds into it. If you don't yet have access to online banking with your current account, go into the nearest branch of your bank and set it up - tell them you want to be able to keep an eye on your finances while you're abroad. Once you have online banking you won't have to go into the branch to make any money transfers, you can do it online without having to worry about anyone speaking to your parents about it.

Don't give your mother any notice that you're doing it and don't give her any access to the new account when it's up and running. If you can grab any of the money from the other accounts while you're at it, great.

TattedGuyser · 2015-03-16T13:15:57+00:00

Step 1: Open new bank account(at a new bank if necessary).

Step 2: Withdraw all money from controlled account.

Step 3: Deposit all money in new bank account.

Just move your money and stop dealing with her. You made the mistake of signing her into your account before, fix that mistake.

Dude your 23 years old, no one is going to treat you like an adult unless you start to do it for yourself. I'd be embarrassed as shit if I ever said the line "My mom controls my money".

The long story short is you need to take your life into your own hands. If there are toxic people in your life (gf, parents, 'friends') then you need to remove them and continue on.

favours_of_the_moon · 2015-03-16T14:17:57+00:00

1: Take your money out of that account.

2: Put it in a different account.

beware_the_syllogism · 2015-03-16T13:38:32+00:00

You're smart enough to become an engineer but not smart enough to control your finances?

Your mom isn't going to break the cycle, it's up to you. You are a man and owe yourself that self respect.

Open a new account at a bank she has no access to, withdraw all the money you possibly can, if the bank manager who is a friend of your mom is creating issues find a lawyer. Cut ties with your mother and others who orbit her. If the relationship leaves you drained it's toxic and you owe it to yourself to break the cycle.

My mother pulled similar shit, it's hard to break the cycle, you are in a rut that will only get deeper. I was told by family to reconcile with her, it's the "Christian" thing to do (it's not), be a bigger man, do it for the sanctity of the family, any "reason" to question my masculinity, and various shaming tactics. My mom cheated me out of money I earned working jobs during middle and high school, a college scholarship, and managed to ruin several career paths because I let her.

MorePancakes · 2015-03-16T14:27:07+00:00

All of this is right.

Get a new bank account. Also those are called CDs in the US (Or Certificates of Deposit). Talk to the Bank if they will let you change the name on them alone. Talk to a lawyer if you have to.

Also check out /r/raisedbynarcissists , this sub will have people more adept at dealing with parents like yours than our community here in TRP.

Cheers,

MP

writewhereileftoff · 2015-03-16T22:17:09+00:00

If you are the account holder and her name is also linked to the account. Just contact your bank and tell them to unlink her name so that you are the sole holder of the account. You can do that and have the right to do that as soon as you are 18.

Also request a password change. This is much less hassle than creating a new account. However, creating a new account at another bank & transfering all your funds is also a possibility. It's not really complicated and a bank employee will be more than happy to guide you trough the process.

Good luck.

Atmegaown · 2015-03-16T13:24:29+00:00

Where I live you can just go to a bank and tell them you want people's access removed from your account. It's your account so you can decide whether or not you still want them on there (if ur 18+).

Don't know how it works where you live, but get rid of her having access to your account because she can and will do anything to keep control of you...

M3_Drifter · 2015-03-16T21:14:25+00:00

You should be able to go into any other bank and create an account. They will do the hard work of transferring everything for you and cancelling your old accounts. Make sure you bring picture ID! (passport)

Most likely, the manager friend of your mom won't even know about it. At least, she can do nothing to stop it.

Since you leave for Canada in two weeks, it is imperative that you do this IMMEDIATELY, since it will take some time to get everything set up. Make sure you inform them that you are not on good terms with your family and that noone else should be able to do anything. She may yet try to do something devious.

The alternative is to cancel your moms access to your accounts, and make a new online banking account. This should be easily doable in any branch. However, since your moms friend is the manager, she may be able to do things (illegally, of course, but...) so I advise you to move to a different bank.

Title	She has total control over my finances
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	25
Date	March 16, 2015 12:47 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2z86cx/she_has_total_control_over_my_finances/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/she-has-total-control-over-my-finances.147028 https://theredarchive.com/post/147028

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