Soft next?

1Pink1Stink · 2019-04-02T07:42:46+00:00

Yes you should.

You basically asked for sex for being late, which is kinda yikes.

But I think she was gonna flake either way honestly. Next

recursoinominado · 2019-04-02T10:57:00+00:00

She seems like a flaky one. This happens when she is interested but not enough, she would go out with you but only if all the universe align to make this happen, she must be in a perfect mood and all of that, not her priority at all.

If she is worth the sex, i would try maybe one more time if it was convinient for me and if i would be ok if she flakes, soft nexting her afterwards, of course.

I noticed that women nowdays are extremely flaky, probably because all that absurd constant validation from social media. If like its not worth to go out anymore, only if she is REALLY interested in you. This happens with a proper interaction in person or if you have a awesome Instagram account (indicating higher smv than hers).

RedAgeist · 2019-04-02T07:53:54+00:00

Not enough attraction. Move on, if she reaches out, set up a date. Otherwise find another

Personally, after the 7 to 7:30pm change when she hits you with the 8pm my moms running late...I would have said, nah, I'm good...another time. Then dropped it and hit the gym but you accepting that many (3 I think) changes was supplication and making you look needy, plus the suprise me line added thirsty

AstuteBlackMan · 2019-04-02T10:43:03+00:00

When she offers to change the time the first time you should just make an excuse and say you cant then try and reschedule the following week. I'd look up alpha Male strategies on YouTube for his text game and setting up dates. Helped me out a lot

iLLprincipLeS · 2019-04-02T12:17:47+00:00

Socially enforced monogamy was the least barbaric of those compromises, but in this century destroying that monogamy has been a priority for the Feminine Imperative. In theory, socially enforced monogamy was the most beneficial mating strategy for largest number of (low SMV) men to solve their reproductive problem. But the fact remained that it was still an exercise of control over women’s Hypergamous natures. In essence, monogamy worked for men, and it was beneficial as a compromise in parental investment for women, but it also assumed direct a control over women’s sexual selection process.

Patriarchy and monogamy answered a woman’s Hypergamous doubt for her, and that is the crux of women’s Existential Fear – to have the control of her Hypergamy, her selection process, and ultimately the cost associated with that choice determined for her. This fear is exactly why the primary goal of feminism has always been the maximal unlimiting of women’s sexuality and the maximal restricting of men’s sexuality. It seeks to replace the social-scale compromise of the Cardinal Rule of Sexual Strategies with the total capitulation of the male strategy. Today, the Gynocracy has achieved this almost entirely.

But for one sex’s strategy to succeed, the other’s must be compromised or abandoned. For a gynocentric social order, only men’s abandonment of their own strategy is acceptable – and this abandonment insists men deny the evolved imperative of their own Existential Fear – insisting on paternity.

In the evolved scheme of things men’s reproductive best interest involves sacrifices. When a man commits to parental investment with a woman he takes on sunk cost risks. The time he spends investing himself committed to one woman and the children they produce comes at the cost of reproductive opportunities with other women. Women’s sexual strategy necessitates he compromise or abandon his biological imperative. Naturally, both men and women have adapted ways to circumvent monogamy to optimize their sexual strategies (infidelity, short-term breeding schema), but the basic equation is the same; if a man is invested in one woman it limits him from seeking other (potentially better) reproductive opportunities. If you want to know why Plate Theory irks women so much look no further.

The only way this compromise of sexual strategy can be advantageous to men is if he can be relatively assured that the child he’s raising is his own. This is where men’s Existential Fear of paternity fraud begins. He cedes his own strategy and the sunk opportunity cost for reproduction in exchange for the certainty that he’s invested in a child that bears his name and his blood.

I call this men’s Existential Fear because denying men the certainty of paternity presents the same existential anxieties as a woman’s control of Hypergamous doubt taken from her. Women fear the idea of being forced to birth and raise the child of a suboptimal man not of her choosing, while men fear the idea of being deceived into raising a child not of their own genetic lineage. And until the advent of DNA testing only a woman could be certain that the child was her own.

This is root level stuff here. So important was the determination of paternity for men that an obsessive concern for it was written into our mental firmware. The risks of falling for paternity deception was that important, and the men who evolved this compulsion were selected-for. The reason we Mate Guard, the reason our hindbrains default to jealous suspicions, the reason we cannot bear the thought of another man mating with our woman is rooted in the fear of investing ourselves in a child not our own.

In the previous essay I mentioned the natural revulsion response humans have towards things that are inherently harmful to us. A reservation or revulsion of snakes, spiders, feces, rot and necrosis are part of the evolved firmware we’re born with. I would also argue that the revulsion women feel towards “creepy” (low SMV, Beta) men and the revulsion men feel towards “slutty” women is part of this. Both these revulsions are adaptational protections against our respective Existential Fears. Each represents our Instinctual Interpretive Process letting us know what our ancestors had to avoid.

trele_morele · 2019-04-02T17:12:03+00:00

The "make it up to me" sex part is something you could pull off with someone you've already had sex with it, after attraction is established. Based on what you told us, she had little attraction for you at this stage so your move was a little uncalibrated if you ask me, a little desperate. She was not into hanging out and you certainly didn't change her mind

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-04-02T13:55:23+00:00

Depends on your abundance. If you have other options, then next her.

If you're needing to create options, I'd soft next and try to re-initiate with logistics in a week

cluelessguitarist · 2019-04-02T16:32:33+00:00

Try again in 3 weeks, she atleast asked for reschedule, you should have responded her the next day, dont respond to text messeges after 9 or 10 pm you should be doing something anyways without telling her, that just sounds a little bit butthurt.

Carcrash1985 · 2019-04-02T11:48:33+00:00

You did the right thing by doing something else , but the make it up to me part , even though you meant in a playful way might have been a bit of pressure for her

PossiblyBreathing · 2019-04-02T21:11:07+00:00

I think if she was interested enough then the "make it up to me" line would have worked, however I think some humour instead of "surprise me" would have been a better follow up. You could have gone with something like

"well, my room needs tidying"

She already knew what you meant by the original line so following up with something unrelated to sex would have been better in this case.

Title	Soft next?
Author	codek_sly
Upvotes	20
Comments	15
Date	April 2, 2019 7:36 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/b8g24g/soft_next/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/soft-next.224081 https://theredarchive.com/post/224081

Comments