Too nice?

Theophagist · 2014-01-27T08:16:12+00:00

Too much effort, too many tantrums. Next her.

The_CEO_of_Beta · 2014-01-27T09:16:30+00:00

Yeah, you're pretty new.

Here's the ways you messed up, and thank you for being honest. If you lied and pretended, "Yeah I held frame", then it only serves to defeat you. These are lessons that will only make you stronger.

You essentially apologized/caved in when she got mad and you said you were just being funny. You lost frame -> You lost attraction. When I'm a "jerk" to girls which I often am, I just laugh at them and give them a grin. They would act angry for a few minute until they cave in and start grinning with me too. Never apologize, fucking own it.
Cold shoulder bad. It means you bitched out when she bitched you out. Means you're wimpy. I have this problem too when girls give me lip and I just withdraw. The best response is a neutral one like, "k" and have fun while she stews. Having very few emotional weaknesses is a huge turn on for women, just don't be too perfect or she'll get bored.
I'm quite alarmed by her statements. It sounds like she's trying to mold you into being her beta bitch. Don't cave in. Once you do, she'll get bored and dump your ass. I've been there before a dozen times. This is a shit test. I'm not pro enough to handle one like this, other than to ignore her terms and keep going.

I was exactly in the same position as you, I always apologized if I sensed I may have made her upset or gone too far in something I said. Girls would I just stay mad at me. I didn't know that if you just laughed and said, "Yeah?" if they got angry, they actually start laughing with you too no matter what fucked up shit you say. A girl once told me she was moving away and I said, "No big loss." She was angry until she saw I was kidding. She then cracked a smile and continued to flirt.

I don't completely agree with how fast some people say "next" sometimes, it's too easy. Sometimes the problem is with the king(man), and the kingdom(relationship) cannot thrive if the king is broken. First, fix your shit, then next.

smithIV · 2014-01-27T17:05:37+00:00

if you're coming off as an asshole jerk it's because she knows it's a front. stop trying to act a certain way. try instead to internalize the reasons why someone would behave like a cocky motherfucker.

boydeer · 2014-01-27T17:24:34+00:00

I shrugged the incident off and claimed that I was only being funny.

you justified yourself? i realized that if a girl throws a tantrum, i should respond as though i'm interacting with an adult who just threw a tantrum. the best answer is laughing like she's insane. if you must address it theoretically (talking shop), it's not "oh, i was just joking," it's "what is your problem? we're having fun. if you don't like how i'm interacting with you, address it like an adult."

listen: she threw a tantrum, and then told you to be nicer? HAHAHA.

EDIT: it also sounds like your behavior is not integrated. you seem to be relating to the "cocky" behavior like it's a strategy. fake it till you make it, but the goal is simply having strong enough frame to be relaxed and happy and say what you want.

[deleted] · 2014-01-28T00:08:51+00:00

You didn't put your foot down kiddo, you supplicated to her behaviour and now you get the reward, you get to come over more...u got played.

KaptainCavy · 2014-01-27T17:38:20+00:00

You're missing the entire point. The whole point in being 'rude' is to sub-communicate that you have expectations, you have boundaries, and if she crosses your boundaries or does not meet your expectations, she will be punished for it. You don't just willy-nilly act like a dick for no reason out of fear you're appearing too nice.

KaptainCavy · 2014-01-27T19:06:17+00:00

I'm seeing her tonight. How should act?

whatever6 · 2014-01-27T12:42:12+00:00

She baited a reaction out of you. You "putting your foot down" was what she wanted, but had to force it out of you.

Title	Too nice?
Author	KaptainCavy
Upvotes	3
Comments	21
Date	January 27, 2014 8:05 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/1w9khy/too_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/too-nice.138881 https://theredarchive.com/post/138881

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