Trust and LTR

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-09-08T14:18:15+00:00

I prefer to maintain sexual relationships with multiple women. Sometimes (usually, in fact, including right now), I have at least one OLTR who exchanges exclusivity on her side for being primus inter pares (first among equals).

I am up front about it from the jump, but I don't bring it up on my own later.

Q: "But how do you know if your OLTR is being faithful? What if she cheats?"

A: "I don't care - I'm maintaining sexual relationships with multiple women. What happens if your exclusive LTR cheats?"

Further Reading:

OLTRs: What They Are, And How To Manage Them

-Open on your side, closed on hers.

Snowboard18 · 2020-09-08T14:51:56+00:00

I really think trust issues come from insecurity on your part.

You wouldn’t be constantly worried about her cheating or finding a new guy if you genuinely believed that you are it, That you are the best she’ll find.

Instead, your thoughts should be something like, “why the fuck would she cheat on me? I’m the shit and she knows I’ll cut her off instantly if she does”

Secret_Twitch · 2020-09-08T15:35:07+00:00

When you start throwing that word "trust" around, I start thinking that it's coming from a place of neediness and insecurity. One of the main tenets of red pill philosophy is that, if you are the man that you are supposed to be, you could manage to keep hypergamy at bay and Your Little Princess^TM may not cheat. If she did cheat, you won't give a fuck anyway because you know that you are a high value man with an abundance mentality.

If you are talking about spinning plates openly, see Vas' response. It takes an advanced understanding of female nature and a strong frame to get where he is at, so don't think you are just gonna breeze through the sidebar and compete at that level.

Jiu-Jitsu-addict · 2020-09-09T02:34:16+00:00

You never get in a LTR. Trust me bro. I am 41 and been in 4. It never works in the long run. You need to talk to other women, because she might not right now, but will talk to other men. Not being insecure. It's just female nature and I hope you understand male nature...

smolzino · 2020-09-09T09:42:02+00:00

My relationship is based on a few principles that have really worked out for us.

First of all, trust is something that is built over time, and once broken it can never be fully repaired, so it is absolutely capital that the trust is never broken or at least unknowingly to the other party. Take the analogy of the porcelain vase. You can break it, glue it back together, but it'll never be perfect anymore. You can break it again, and repair it again, but some day you won't be able to put it back together well enough that it still holds water. Rebuilding on broken trust is simply not worth it.

Now how do you build trust. You start by being truthful. Try your best. You make promises and keep them. You show the other person that you are reliable. That you are being honest in your commitment and your feelings. It doesn't take one action to gain trust and be trusted. It's a growing capital.

Then comes the topic of testing the trust. Testing the trust is putting yourself in situations where your trust is being tested. These situations should be avoided, or minimized, and at the minimum, compromises or boundaries should be either discussed or implicitly set. If your partner is willingly constantly putting herself in situations where she is testing your trust, or the trust in general, then she is putting the relationship in danger.

Think about juggling. Going out in clubs with girlfriends and drinking and staying late every weekend is basically your girlfriend taking the vase of trust, and juggling with it. She might be a great juggler, a trusted, reliable one, but the more she juggles, the bigger the risk of her fucking up. Especially if she's juggling drunk, or if she forgets how precious this vase is because your relationship is falling apart.

So the second principle is to respect a few cautionary measures that are supposed to keep everyone serene and happy. Don't put yourself in inappropriate situations, or only exceptionally, don't play with fire, and don't give your partner unnecessary reasons to worry.

Now, these principles for a relationship to function, and for the person to still feel like they have some freedom of choice and an identity, they have to be flexible. How do you achieve that? Communication my guy. You talk to each other about what your plans are, who you'll be with, you give a small update to say "hey I'm out here having a great time but you're still important". You give concerns if you have some, you show understanding, sometimes you swallow your pride, you listen to her and she listens to you. Show empathy, work on your emotional maturity, understand the dynamics between feelings, the triggers, the pitfalls etc. If she doesn't know them as well as you do, guide her. Be willing to forgive her ignorance, but teach. The next time she messes up you know that she did it with intent.

You don't keep each others prisoners, you just keep yourselves grounded.

Here you have a LTR in a nutshell. Use that and you will see the light. Remember that you can't expect your partner to be fully enlightened fromthe start, you have to help her get there. If she won't, then your relationship will fall out and you'll move on to someone better

Title	Trust and LTR
Author	Marvel_221
Upvotes	2
Comments	14
Date	September 8, 2020 2:01 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/iou2zu/trust_and_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/trust-and-ltr.279320 https://theredarchive.com/post/279320

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