Trying to avoid BB in LTR

[deleted] · 2014-08-30T10:17:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2014-08-30T12:08:38+00:00

I'm exactly like you. I work as an engineer and make a whole lot of money. She knows it, but she from the start (before I had the job) was paying her half in the things we do unless I specifically told her I was paying.

What I noticed is that after the "I'm not getting married" talk, her replying with "I'm alright with a prenup, blah blah blah", is that she's actually quite closer to me now. Like, it's weird, I set an expectation and it brought her closer to me.

The only way I would get married is if I had lots of legal protection and were going to have kids. Period.

She's also going to school to become a nurse and then a doctor so I kind of know the relationship won't last long. She's going to some nice school somewhere and I'm certainly not moving unless I really like the area.

Just enjoy it for now (go with the flow), set expectations or at least talk about them, and you'll find yourself much happier. Having the weight of "what if" over your relationship will significantly affect your happiness in the meantime. If she doesn't like your expectations that you're settings, she's leave. If you're high value, she'll do anything to keep you just to be near the energy you're putting off regardless of marriage dreams that she has, etc.

Also, tell her thanks to feminism, her expecting you to get married and be her provider for life is no longer an option. My girlfriend already hated feminism so that just make her hate stronger. lol

TheReason13 · 2014-08-30T15:39:59+00:00

"Aren't things supposed to be this way?"

You seem to be holding on to some BP mentality, and because of this you're stuck in the bargaining phase. Its natural for women to "date up" it is after all what they are instinctively programmed to do. Go after the most impressive male in terms of provision and protection. What worries me is that if you are still bargaining, then you may be vulnerable to her proclamations to the contrary when it comes to marriage or common law.

All I can say is if you still have any Disney ideals (and be honest with yourself about whether or not you do), then you're in trouble. Get rid of them, they are poison.

Other than that, just don't marry her under any circumstances. These days the family court system makes a mockery of any and all contracts between two people. It works on a kind of insurance claims department system. If you have a prenup, they will search relentlessly for any excuse to throw it out, and even if they fail and you took all precautions the judge has all the right to throw out the contract on a whim. A WHIM.

Take all the necessary precautions and never marry. If she threatens to leave then let her go. Be strong my brother.

RAL9000 · 2014-08-30T08:19:01+00:00

How old are you two?

BuenaVistaUno · 2014-08-30T14:20:14+00:00

If marriage is important to you, you need to reconcile yourself to two realities:

a. she will take half or 60% of what you have in divorce (you will pay her expenses if she divorces you).

b. she will be awarded control of your children by the court, and you may get lucky and be some sort of uncle to them. Or she will go full-on parental alienation, accuse you of abuse, and have the courts remove you from their lives except as an ATM machine.

Again, this only happens to 50% of American men, so luck can always be seen as a strategy, if you want to be sentimental. But to be enlightened and sovereign, you need to reconcile yourself emotionally to the loss of the things that you say you hold dear.

She's not investing in herself because she expects you to do the investing in her and her magical vagina. She's lazy because she's already planning her retirement. You're the retirement option.

Prenups are broken every day, particularly by women in an inferior economic position, which she has committed herself to remaining.

TheReason13 · 2014-08-30T15:58:06+00:00

@BuenoVista.

Also, the are the 25 percent more or less who stay unhappily married for financial or social reasons besides the 50 percent who divorce.

ConfidenceMatters · 2014-08-30T10:49:15+00:00

Why would you avoid Breaking Bad? It's right up there with Dexter. Give it a shot.

Title	Trying to avoid BB in LTR
Author	erpii
Upvotes	5
Comments	12
Date	August 30, 2014 3:06 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2ez6lf/trying_to_avoid_bb_in_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/trying-to-avoid-bb-in-ltr.141742 https://theredarchive.com/post/141742

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