tl;dr: Don't actually like ONS aside from validation; ultimately feel used. What do ?

Lately I've gotten better at getting ONSs as I have somehow managed to increase my confidence by staying in "confident states" for longer periods of time.

However, ultimately, I am disappointed with most ONSs. I rarely derive pleasure from them aside from temporary validation of my status, if you will... At the end of the day I find my motivation to be validation not pleasure...

When I do find a ONS/hook up/whatever I really like I get something along the lines of "sorry was a one time thing". One of them was direct enough to straight up tell me "sorry I was horny, you were just a nice dick on legs"... Remembering this one occurence and then another during my workout today ended up in me throwing the towel in disgust.

Question: how do I fix this loophole in my psychology ? (if there is anything to fix)