~ archived since 2018 ~

UPDATE: Power Dynamic Threatened by Change in Income

UltraFemme

October 23, 2014

2 upvotes

/r/askTRP

So, while helpful the replies on my thread were super diverse. I had NO idea what Captain Badass would want from me, until I considered the one thing he's always correcting me on: communication! I come from a family where you grin and bear it until you can't anymore and the Captain HATES that. So I did what he would never expect: I told him that I saw his concern, and took it seriously. I let him know that I have an idea, but no solutions, and that we'll have to keep talking until we figure it out. But I love him, our relationship, and the family we're building, and I take responsibility for my part of assuring that we have the long, happy life together he's promised me. That's right folks, I took responsibility for my role in our happiness (if you aren't shocked, it's because you never met me before him).

I also had a revelation! I came to college for a STEM degree because my parents insisted. I wanted to study creative writting or music. I came to college in love with various art forms. I used to arrange flowers (when I showed him this, it blew his mind!), draw, paint, play several instruments and sing. I got into a male dominated field and had to work so hard to repressed all femininity that I kind of forgot those skills were there. I told Captain Badass I might want to spend some time (after he graduates) exploring my interests and keeping our home. Not sure if that's the route we're going, but it's an option! Anyway, thanks for your help! I'll go back to lurking now!!

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Post Information

Title	UPDATE: Power Dynamic Threatened by Change in Income
Author	UltraFemme
Upvotes	2
Comments	35
Date	October 23, 2014 5:44 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2k44yb/update_power_dynamic_threatened_by_change_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/update-power-dynamic-threatened-by-change-in.143058 https://theredarchive.com/post/143058

Comments

[–]asd1100 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link

Good luck with that. The more you take charge the more he looses control. The less control he has the less you will trust him and the more control he will loose (I read your first post) You have quite a ego on you and you also have had a lot of pandering, a dom would have never been enough for you. What you experienced with him was the consequence of not having a lot of previous partners, this will be harder and harder to feel as you reset your emotional counter with each new partners.

Life advice: leave him and find a man, you are in a position to find a great guy for a couple of more years.(although I think your are scared...apropo of having a younger, intellectually inferior dom)

Relationship advice: let him be a man, this will suck for 2 to 3 years but his brain will grow and he will eventually learn how to handle you not only sexually. Don't be to big of a cunt for the next 3 years with the money and you'll be fine. You're still a kid, don't plan your life before you even lay out the foundation. Enjoy the small thing, be a good earner, and when you have to much money then lay down plans that involve your passions and fantasies.

[–]UltraFemme[S] 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

[–]asd1100 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

No, because he can't be the man your future self wants him to be.

Of course there are always better alternatives the real issue is do you and your partner converge or diverge within the next 5 years.

Pussies on this sub hate that about women, men understand it as a uncomfortable fact. A woman can not be happy in the long term with a man she does not revere.

It's not about options or ridding the carousell, it's about doing the thing your future self will thank you for, like the STEM college. I know how counterintuitive that sounds, but you can be happy now or for the rest of your life. You rarely have the luxury to have both.

I would prefer to have this conversation with Cap. Ba., I don't think you will be satisfied by him after he is done growing(after college a couple of years down the road). At the very least it will be a uphill strugle for both of you. If he is that good he can find someone simpler(not really as good but someone easy to work with) and if you are that great of a catch you to can find(there are definetly less options for you considering your preferences) someone that is at least at your level and you can use that proactive attitude to turn him into a red pill man.

Again, you can make it work if you temper your ego and trust him, but most jock-brainy college girls don't end up as happy ever after stories.

[–]UltraFemme[S] -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

[–]asd1100 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

[–]asd1100 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

You build you relationship on passion, what you perceive as chemistry. We just call it attraction. On top of that you add floors like mutual respect, goals and dreams. Sometimes that foundation is strong enough that the guy doesn't need to be in command all the time. Now like with houses fresh foundation(young love) needs to consolidate. when it's going to be consolidated, his end will be deeper so the house will slump. That means that some dreams and goals or very ambitious developments will be out of the question. What you don't realise if that if he looses his edge, and stops being that beastly stud altoghether the foundation will crack, that won't negesarally ruin the house(especially if you didn't built a lot on top of it) but it will make it a lot less pleasent, and you will have a lot of maintanace work to do on it regularly.

Also very few women are that aware of wanting an alpha that they actively pursuit him(those that do are sociopaths). They just feel tingly because of one guy or another and they do shit to be in his company(basically orbiting like betas - that is where betas actually took their sexual strategy from) that is the pinnacle of girl "game", you are lucky men pick up the slack otherwise humanity would have died of a long time ago.

I heard the children thing 1000 times. I will be succinct. There will come a time when a part of him will want children, not strongly just that he would be okay with some. And there will come a time when your whole being will crave them. As you are of similar ages you will miss one anothers "baby fever". So your consensus will last about 5 years, 7 if your are lucky, after that the issue will be always polarising.

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (17 children) | Copy Link

I can see your point everywhere but with the kids. It's not that I don't want them. It's that I hate them. I can't stand to be around them. The process of pregnancy destroys a woman's body. A professional can dig up your bones and tell you've had children! That's horrifying. Your breasts never fully recover from breast feeding. The late nights and stress age you quickly. They scream. They howl. They're filthy. They have nothing of value to say for 12+ years, yet they talk constantly anyway. They hate you. They behave irrationally. They don't listen and yet you have to feed, clothe and house them for almost two decades. And they're horrendously expensive.

No sir. I'm not of the sort of vanity that needs to pass on my genes in an already over populated world. I may feel the urge someday (but I doubt it, I genuinely hate children.) I will restrain it because I know it is economically rediculous for my generation to reproduce. Many will, of course. And in doing so, many of them will trap themselves even lower down the economic ladder than the economy of the last 30 years has left us. The tax term is DINK. Dual income, no kids. And it's one of the few economic groups whose wealth is growing. No kids was actually something we discussed for a long time because we both think the other will change their minds. We're both getting "fixed" at 24 though, so kids really are a moot point. While I appreciate the necessity of people who think life's greatest peak is a family and children, I firmly disagree.

Edit: Excuse the rant. I'm very much against the idea that having the baser impulse to reproduce justifies doing so. People are always saying that you'll crave children, you'll need them. I find that to be a horrible justification for a decision that alters every aspect of your life. I put more thought into decisions than "my hormones want it, let's do it."

[–]asd1100 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

Do you know how many mothers hate their kids, it's ridiculous. It's a urge, not a rational decision.

The process of pregnancy destroys a woman's body

I know, a lot of your generation got the sex talk trough a feminist filter: fuck everything but children ruin the fun. It's not like that, the joy you can bring to a man by having and raising his children is greater than what your body could ever give him. The thing is that the joy of your body can be given to a lot of different men quite easaly, while a child will be forever your gift to just one specific person regardless what happens between the two of you, you will always have that bond.

A professional can dig up your bones and tell you've had children! That's horrifying.

for a kindergardner yes, but that is the purpose of your body, despite what you've been told, your life is not your own and you can make up the rules as you grow up. You are made for this and you will feel it.

Your breasts never fully recover from breast feeding.

sorry to break it to you, aging will fuck them up anyway. Take a lot of naked selfies, you will never look this good again.

stress age you quickly. They scream. They howl. They're filthy. They have nothing of value to say for 12+ years, yet they talk constantly anyway. They hate you. They behave irrationally. They don't listen and yet you have to feed, clothe and house them for almost two decades. And they're horrendously expensive.

now you why I don't want to get married :)), yes it sucks not being the only child in the house and not have the whole world spin around you but at that age you should not be doing that anyway.

I'm not of the sort of vanity that needs to pass on my genes in an already over populated world

You're right your vanity is that of a different variety. Also the world is not overpopulated. Actually there are more women like you that want to be forever the pampered rather than the pamperers so in most pst feminists societies we need imigrants to support our social policies.

I genuinely hate children.

tell that to a mother and she will tell you that you hate the idea of children you have not idea how horrible they actually are in person.

I know it is economically rediculous for my generation to reproduce

I don't even know what that means, replace economically with morally and I agree.

many of them will trap themselves even lower down the economic ladder than the economy of the last 30 years has left us.

that is not how economic levels work, having more expendable income per person doesn't not make you jump an income bracket. Dink is a pop term, technically you are still middle class, whether you waste your money on children or traveling has no economic relevance, the economy still gets your money.

We're both getting "fixed" at 24 though

because that is the age when you know what you want to do with the rest of your life. I would ask you to bitchslap him for not bitchlaping you when you came up with that retarded idea but I get a increasingly uncomfortble feeling that you 2 are 50 shades of D/s.

I find that to be a horrible justification for a decision that alters every aspect of your life.

I absolutely agree, if you aren't willing to give them your full attention DO NOT HAVE THEM.

I put more thought into decisions than "my hormones want it, let's do it."

And that is why you'll be increasingly unhappy. Our egos push us to be proud and happy bitches in the present, but all decisions have a superficial payout. Society pushes us to well behave sheep, whatever the flavor of sheep may be for that generation. Only our instincts push us to be inherently fulfilled and to have a meaningful life.

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

On the contrary, I am very much aware that my body is built to attract a mate, get pregnant, and then raise a child. However, I feel humanity (or perhaps just many societies,) have evolved far past merely serving our biological purpose. By overpopulated, I mean that in America, the supply of children far outstrips demand. There are plenty of kids if you want one. Why destroy your figure for it? What's so special about your genes that they need to be passed along? There's a bunch of pretty girls who look just like me, the gene pool will be fine without my additions.

When it comes to the body aspect, I'm not concerned about how my partner will see those changes and whether it will be "worth it" to him. I'm concerned with what I see in the mirror. I find "curvy" women very unattractive. I have no desire to look like someone's mother. Plus I hate kids. I hate stranger's kids. I hate my sibling's kids, I hate my friend's kids. I have no desire to be around them at all. Ever. If there's a child on the bus, I'll wait for the next one, thank you.

I watched my sister-in-law's pregnancy. I watched my sister's pregnancies. School lead me to believe I was going to witness a beautiful process. I did not. It was disgusting. I find the process sickening from barely showing through birth. The female form is disfigured in a way that it never recovers from. That's a pretty extreme "gift" to ask of another human being. I won't get a tattoo for someone, why on Earth would I have a baby for them?

Let me assuage your adorably phrased concerns. I have a healthy D/s relationship. 50 Shades does not depict a healthy D/s relationship. 50 Shades describes an emotionally abusive relationship with a partner who lacks the proper respect for boundaries, safe words, and safety in general. He expresses little concern for her well being and controls her in to a level that is far beyond sexual. The relationship described in those novels deviates sharply from anything I consider acceptable for myself or those I care about. As for sterilization, neither he nor I recommended it. We planned sterilization independently, long before we were together.

The point of contention that always arises in this sort of conversation is the difference between feeling your life was purposeful and actually living a purposeful life. I understand that children are the biological shortcut to ending life feeling satisfied and fulfilled. I totally understand the desire to take that easy way out. After all, we're built for it. It certainly feels purposeful to settle down and start a family. But while that is the easiest way, I do not feel that it is the most socially valuable way to achieve that feeling. Half of all parents raise below average children, and yet they're just as fulfilled by that act as people with successful children. That, to me, is evidence of a fallacy in their thinking.

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]asd11001 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I feel humanity (or perhaps just many societies,) have evolved far past merely serving our biological purpose.

can you go without sleep? just because we adapted our biology into "civilisation" does not mean we can forget about it. We are self domesticated animals but we are still animals.

Your figure is destroyed one way or the other. It's transient just like you. A kid is more permanent.

You will see the woman your man loves in the mirror.

You will at a certain age invariably look like someones mother, again unrelated to whether or not you have children.

I hate the concept of children to, but it's just that a concept. Until you actually have some it's just a external annoyance. Like dogs or cats.

School lead me to believe I was going to witness a beautiful process

Really did they tell you was the magic, the tearing or the shitting? Aren't you thought your hoo-hoo is a magical spot meant for pleasure and orgasm right? Thank you sex-ed for managing to miss the whole point. Anal, yes, birth lets just put it next to the STDs as unfortunate consequences of not having anal.

The female form is disfigured in a way that it never recovers from.

You have a really great opinion of your vagina if you think it's that perfect now.

That's a pretty extreme "gift" to ask of another human being.

so you think putting up with you is easy? Or that sex is just that great that it makes up for it. Sorry, you get old, you get boring, you get bored and harder to manage. The only rational reason for a man to give his independence for you is if he expects you to give your independence for his child.(and no, you don't sacrifice your independece otherwise, you have 8 good years we have at the very least double that.) So yeah, it's a big ask, but at least 16 years of being by your side, instead of fucking a newer model adds up.

abusive relationship with a partner who lacks the proper respect for boundaries, safe words, and safety in general.

to be fair, she is a stupid cunt.

The relationship described in those novels deviates sharply from anything I consider acceptable for myself or those I care about.

and there is the attitude, keep thinking you know what is best for you and see where that gets you, if you don't jump on a real man soon you will be high and dry at 40 tickling balls at your local swingers club. You think polarised male female relationships are a sexual kink, you get to play as a woman when you find it convenient. That is just as fucked up as being a feminist with a pyjama boy for a pet.

We planned sterilization independently, long before we were together.

at the same arbitrary age: 24, wow, you must be meant for each other.

I understand that children are the biological shortcut to ending life feeling satisfied and fulfilled.

Wrong, and a lot of parents make that mistake, they have nothing so the come up with careers, houses and after that a child. I disagree.

I do not feel that it is the most socially valuable way to achieve that feeling.

Wrong again, getting external validation for having children is a horible way to live and parent.

Half of all parents raise below average children, and yet they're just as fulfilled by that act as people with successful children. That, to me, is evidence of a fallacy in their thinking.

what? below average is relative, it does not constitute success and again, you should not raise children to be able to brag about them.

I want children because I am certain I will be a great father. And I know being a great father, having that father son relationship will give my live great value intrinsically. The act of raising a kid will outweigh the cons for both me and my SO and will add value to us as people allowing us a new level of modesty, self awareness and meaning that no vacation, second home or materialistic exploit could otherwise give us.

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]asd11001 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]UltraFemme1 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]asd11001 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]UltraFemme1 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Modified_Hackware 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]tenthirtyone1031-1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]tenthirtyone1031-1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]tenthirtyone1031-1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behavior), an overwhelming need for admiration, and usually a complete lack of empathy toward others. People with this disorder often believe they are of primary importance in everybody’s life or to anyone they meet. While this pattern of behavior may be appropriate for a king in 16th Century England, it is generally considered inappropriate for most ordinary people today.

All you do is gaslight to hide the insecurities you simultaneously announce to the world. It's very typical attention-seeking behavior. This post is textbook and your behavior is textbook.

I'm not kidding about the danger your boyfriend is in. It's very likely that he grew up in a similar environment and is attracted to you because you force him to put your emotional needs ahead of his own - by your own admissions.

You are toxic.

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]1oldredder-1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]tenthirtyone1031-1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]-SoItGoes1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]UltraFemme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]tenthirtyone1031-1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Jordainyo2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link