I made a mistake

So I met this girl who was in her twenties we have been in a seven month relationship. Six of those months were long distance. I have been around her for one month and I’ve seen sides of her I never thought existed. She made it seem she was a loving, caring and empathetic girl. Raised with traditional values but this is far from the truth. For starters she was raised by her older brother for a good portion of her late teens. Her mother was never in the picture and her dad is dead. I’m 30 years old but on a visceral level I get the feeling her at 20 does not see me as worthy of her.

I have seen countless times were disrespectful behavior has come up. When she was drunk she stated “ I may need to find some better options”,” you don’t fuck me the way I want” and she also has stated “you have no shape”. She flirted with a guy on Instagram and when I asked her about it she stuck her tongue out in a sexually provocative way.

Aside from that instance she allowed a more muscular guy to touch her thighs in my presence and playfully stated . “ Oh please stop and knock it off” while smiling. She also told me information of the guy “I’m not talking to you I’m speaking to him”.

Now tonight I initiated sex with her and she pulled away from me. When I asked her why she stated she thought I was sick so she did not want to have sex. She has made comments about my stamina time and time again. I’m interpreting on a subconscious level she is not attracted to me and does not value me as a partner. She values me as a provider and nothing more. When we go ought in public she stares at other guys in my face. It makes me feel like I’m worth nothing to her. I’ve voiced my frustrations countless times. She has stated my voice is weak as well. Countless insults over and over.

The problem is she’s pregnant for me and I just can’t ditch her. How do I regain my sense of self without taking her so serious? How do get the respect I deserve in this relationship without always having to be physical with her? I have beat her several times in order to instill a sense of respect in her but nothing works. It’s like every passing day it’s getting harder and harder to make sense of the whole situation .

To make matters worse I leave for OCS in February. My passion is the military and my drive is to be a general. With her drama and the kid she’s knocking me off my pivot I think