My girlfriend and I have been at odds the past couple of days.

Context: We’ve been long distance between our colleges (which are approx 2hrs apart) for 2 years. We both just graduated and are looking forward to the next step. I’m planning on moving to her city to be with her. Last fall, we took a two week break in our relationship—during which neither of us saw other people. However, there is a guy she knows from high school who was routinely texting her to schedule a visit. (He lives 2hrs away). He planned on visiting her and I told her to do whatever she wants. She dismissed it as him being just a friend and the visit never happened, but he made it clear to her he wanted alone time between the two of them.

~He hasn’t contacted her for about two months now.~

Fast forward to this past Monday. At the end of the work day, she starts acting quiet. We grab dinner and afterward I ask why she’s acting so weird. She explains that she doesn’t want her to be the only reason I come to start my post college life in her city. This struck me with great surprise, as she’s been adamant about me coming to be with her after schools out. I felt misled for sure.

Fast forward to this Tuesday. I was curious about the kid that had been texting her, so while she was at work, she asked me to go onto her computer and check her final grades. I open the portal and send her pics of the grades. I noticed her imessage app was open. I scrolled down and looked thru their conversation. I read things like “hey gorgeous”, “i’m talking to a beautiful girl”, and back handed comments about myself. To me, it seemed like this “friend” didn’t want us together. I told her I read it and I felt like a fool and I felt sick. Her response to me focused on the fact that I violated her privacy by reading the messages. The thing is, there have been guys who text her before, and she’s offered me to look at the messages. I never obliged. The only reason I looked this time was the fact that she’s known this kid for so long and that they share a religion—which has a relatively tight knit community, and also because she was acting weird about me moving to her city the day before. I ended up discovering that at some point during a religious convention, they’d made out (before we were together). Not only this, but her response to his compliments of gorgeous and beautiful was “that’s refreshing to hear”.

I told her that this guy is no friend. I also told her that I felt incredibly misled, as every time this bozo came up, she dismissed him as a friend. However, every time he hinted at more than just a friendly visit, she would continue to text him and try to schedule said visit.

The problem now is, every time I want to talk this crap (from the recent past) out, she says her mind is on 7 different things and that her semester was hell, and that she needs a minute to relax from work.

The worst part is last night we got in a fight and the last thing she said was “i can’t even leave my phone or computer out or you might go thru my stuff.” I left the house for a few hours and came back later. We slept in bed together, but still haven’t actually had a reasonable conversation about our wants, needs, and goals going forward.

In addition, her roommates know I went on her computer and now most likely think i’m some sort of crazy person. However, I don’t think they know the extent of the situation with this guy she was texting nor their prior hookup.

On top of all of this—we haven’t had sex in the past month and a half or so. Granted, we were apart for about 5 weeks to finish the last part of the school year. But i’ve been here a week and we haven’t done it one bit. Sex isn’t everything for me, but I’m not happy with what happening here. I try to initiate things, but her reaction is “lets just lay” or “you want to do stuff every time we’re alone”. I’m honestly at a loss here.

Any advice you guys have would be greatly appreciated—because if I can be perfectly honest with you, I myself don’t feel appreciated by her.