I have a friend since 6 or 7 years, 4 or 5 years ago we were at the party, alcohol did the job, we ended up in the bathroom together but I backed off. I decided that friendship with her>drunk BJ or one night stand. We talked about that once, agreed that no one will ever know, and I was feeling good with it. Since that she had relationship with one dumb alfa guy. Im somewhere betweend alfa and beta, lack of self confidence and quite intelligent, quite good looking and quite fit. She asked me three weeks ago if I will pick her up from college, in both ways its 900-1000km, i recently drive distances like that so it wasnt a big deal, i agreed. I arrived in the morning, she had last exam at 3, she made some breakfest, we talked a bit, i got lightly stoned and went to sleep while she was studying. And the shit came, i thought why the fuck am i trying get some other girl who understands me, when one is sitting in the room next to me. Her relationship ended, she was miserable, I've picked her up she bought few beers, we talked. Didnt wanted to loose a friend, so i just said what my feelings are, she was confused, told me that she is wrong choice, and that her life now is cesspool and i dont wont to enter it. When she processed whole thing, she was like my life is fucked up as much as it possibly can be, I thought that fuck it I'm not going into freindzone ever again (some old times), and despite that I told her that i had a dream, where we had sex and that it was very pleasing. She wanted me to describe it, and my confidence ended- i knew that i could escalate, probably fuck her, but that wasn't what i wanted. I wanted long lasting relationship. Again i backed off, we talked about some meaningless things and i drove her back home at 5am. Yesterday she said that she is now ok with her ex, but she doesnt know what is betweend them, i asked her if she is feeling better now, she said that shes ok but she doesnt want me to be sad, i asked if its total NO we will never be 2gether, she said that she doesnt know what will happend in 10 years or 10 days, i said that im afraid to loose my friend, and she said that she doesnt want it too. So, so, so, so, reddit, tell me how to live and what to do? There is a party at her house in two weeks, i think i will give her some space untill the party, and just go for it at the party with spontaneous kiss and maybe something more, see if she rejects me in sexual way, if yes I'll just get drunk as much as i can and erase my brain, if no, ill be the lucky guy Or maybe i should do it in a few days, so she doesnt have too much time to overthink this, and possibly come back to her ex? or maybe i should do it slowly? how?