Where to begin?

sodainthewatercup6 · 2015-11-17T15:24:37+00:00

Lift, starting today.

Read. Read, read, and read. Read to a point where you start to get tired of it, and then try to completely forget everything. If you can't forget most of what you learn here, then your internalization process is working.

In order for me personally run approach game, I have to slow analyzing/thinking down to a near halt. Say whatever the fuck comes to mind, be kind, etc. Others here are more articulate than myself when it comes to approach game, but I can only say what works for me.

throw_em_all · 2015-11-17T17:21:50+00:00

Read, learn, go outside, get rejected, get angry, analyze, fix and go outside again.

Lift hard and often.

bsutansalt · 2015-11-17T19:22:03+00:00

Lift. If you don't know where to begin, Starting Stregth/5x5 is a good way to get you into the swing of things.
Talk to everyone. Just make small talk about the weather if you have to. What you say doesn't matter so much as getting into the habit of being social.
Read the sidebar. Key things to look up are the Year 1 posts by Rollo Tomassi at Rational Male and the threads on how to handle shit tests.

Those will serve as a great primer for getting you started. You won't actually need any game until you are regularly getting stuck somewhere during your social interactions. Don't waste time looking for the perfect ice breaker or gambit that many keyboard jockeys are wont to do. Just DO it and you'll get calibrated much faster than reading about game than living.

GraphicSeniorNudity · 2015-11-17T23:11:50+00:00

I encourage you not to take it all on at once. It gets overwhelming and you can burn out relatively quickly.

Make lifestyle changes, but stagger them. Start with basic building blocks. The gym is a great place to start. It has everything you need to facilitate a mental shift.

Depending on how bad your anxiety is, put yourself through behavioral therapy. Go out of your comfort zone, then reflect on how it went.

Here's a decent list of questions to ask yourself after an anxious social encounter.

 What went through your mind when you started to feel anxious? After the social encounter was all over? Did you make any assumptions that were wrong?

 What is it about the situation that matters to you?

 What was the worst thing that might have happened at the time? Did it actually happen?

 Why do you think you felt awkward or anxious during the social encounter? Do you have any evidence to support your sense that the interactions went terribly that isn’t just based on your feelings alone? What are some alternative explanations for why it was awkward?

 What negative biases might be affecting your thinking? Did you catastrophize? Were you doing some me/always/everything thinking? Do you have any evidence that those biases line up with reality?

 Did you engage in mindreading? What do you think people were thinking about you? Do you have concrete, objective evidence that people were really thinking those things about you or even thinking about you at all?

 Did you become self-conscious? What sort of things did you think about when you were feeling self-conscious?

 What could you do next time to manage the stress and anxiety of engaging socially? What are some examples of successful social engagements you’ve had? What can you learn from those successes to apply to the next time you start feeling anxious or awkward?

Something like this, a set of concrete questions you can ask yourself after each encounter, is a great way to measure your own mental state. Keep a journal and answer every question after an interaction. You'll eventually start to recognize your thought patterns and behaviors in the moment and be able to stop yourself from repeating unwanted behavior.

Once you have managed to get control of your approach anxiety, then you can put some serious work into game. Trying to game while you're too nervous to think straight is not gonna teach you anything. If there's one thing women hate more than the beta it's the nervous awkward creep who tries to emulate the alpha game. It's just gonna set you back and make you question these methods. Once you can start a conversation with a woman without mentally shitting your pants, then you're ready to take your game to the field.

And obviously, throughout all of this you should be reading theory.

Title	Where to begin?
Author	ThrowAway56541
Upvotes	2
Comments	5
Date	November 17, 2015 3:06 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3t5wpb/where_to_begin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/where-to-begin.156674 https://theredarchive.com/post/156674

Comments