Why do we want pity from others

IXseed · 2020-08-29T16:53:39+00:00

We don't want pity. If you want pity sex, you're putting the sex above you and think women wouldn't wanna give it normally.

Independent-Use4354 · 2020-08-29T16:53:55+00:00

*21M, joining the red pill not too long ago. My answer is based on my few experience, so it may be different from others:

I sometimes want people's (at least those who have known me for a while) pity/recognition because to me, changing myself take a tremendous effort. I have been taught that effort produces results (and ultimately, recognition), which is why I expect to have some recognition from other people too.

I have always told myself that no matter what I do, it won't matter to those around me. It's good that you have recognize about not needing others' attention, but it will take time for your unconscious mind to catch up to that line of thought. So don't worry to much about it and keep improving yourself.

OttoVonBismark71 · 2020-08-29T16:48:28+00:00

because you still have a weak frame. strong men don't want pity

thrwy75479 · 2020-08-29T20:35:09+00:00

There's recognition, attention, and pity. Only you would be able to differentiate between what it is you're actually feeling.

Recognition for working hard to accomplish something, from people you care about is healthy. You deserve at least some acknowledgement, otherwise your hard work would turn into drudgery where you're mindlessly doing things without any sense of forward movement.

Wanting a bit of attention to feel validated can also be healthy, as long as it doesn't go to extremes where you're doing crazy things to get peoples' attention, though a lot of people become celebrities exactly this way. We're social creatures, and even when you pass by strangers on the street, you're at least aware of each other's presence.

Pity is tricky because it can easily be confused with compassion. There's overlap. Ask yourself whether you want people to care about you, or whether you want them to feel bad for you because you feel like shit, and you can't do anything to change that feeling.

Wanting compassion because you're in a difficult situation in life isn't unhealthy, as long as you're able to take steps to improve your situation. Pity would come in if you were unable to do anything, and there's no end to the suffering in sight. It's connected more with helplessness, as if your state of shittiness cannot be changed.

Throwing sex into the mix, pity sex sounds like you're in that BP state where you think that a woman will be your savior. Again, it's connected to a feeling of helplessness.

It's hard to say what the roots of that may be. Perhaps a lack of an emotional connection with your mother? That could've left you feeling alone to deal with your problems as an adolescent.

Some introspection may be required to figure out what it is, and then you can use evidence from reality to counter your beliefs. For instance, if you have a few good friends who help you out from time to time, it means you're not actually alone. You could also turn to your accomplishments to give yourself credit for managing to do difficult things by yourself.

Over time, everyone fluctuates in and out of BP/RP states. It's good that you're aware of where you are as that's the first step to go where you want to go.

RedEyeBlackEye1 · 2020-08-30T01:16:56+00:00

Who is "we"?

YOU should view YOU as the prize

NOT some chick.

Musicgoon · 2020-08-29T20:26:57+00:00

Pity sex isn't sex out of genuine desire. It's going to be very bad very unenthusiastic sex. All that says, is you want a shortcut. If you're getting pity sex:

The chick is probably a low smv landwhale.
She's using you for Beta bux and the nature of that dynamic will never change.

Stop living in fantasy land. If you want something good, you'll need to work for it.

Title	Why do we want pity from others
Author	Nekronas
Upvotes	4
Comments	8
Date	August 29, 2020 4:29 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/iivd7p/why_do_we_want_pity_from_others/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-do-we-want-pity-from-others.212979 https://theredarchive.com/post/212979

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