Right now, I’ve been deluded manipulated lied to and everything under the sun by an ex.what’s even crazier is she made everyone believe I was the bad guy because I wouldn’t commit to her fully. I gave her my time and attention and she took advantage. She was bpd btw

She fucked other guys behind my back. She even let one leave a present for me inside her vag. She fucked dudes on FaceTime with me. Yes I was a pussy for this man. Used to fall asleep on FaceTime and in the middle of the night I would hear sucking and fucking sounds. I’d call her out but she had me believe it was nothing. Gaslit me and everything but I still just went along.

She even smashed dudes in my apt. I’m almost for certain. At one point I could sleep with the lights off. But after a while I ft like something was wrong (energy wise). Didn’t make sense and had to keep the lights on to sleep.

Idk how tf I got to this point. First date fucked her, called her a bitch. At the end I was calling her baby girl lol.

I feel like I always knew something was up, but it’s like I started to rely on her “love and affection” plus mind blowing sex and it got to me.

But it’s like on the outside I was a player doing game. Having fun with my buddies. This chick played the innocent role, and actually had me feeling bad and wanting to commit to her at one point 😂. It’s crazy man.

I’ve been going through endless “gotcha” moments now since I broke it wit herlike when she wanted to burn incense in my house and it was noticeably cleaner in my crib when I got back from somewhere. It’s like every time I think, something randomly pops up about a time when nothing made sense. Like when she started texting me “her back was hurting” and had my dumbass massage it.

I feel like right now I’m free, but feeling a lil down. I haven’t been to the gym in 3 weeks(since I broke it off), I’ve been drinking smoking and going out and fucking other chicks but all these thoughts about the relationship keep happening. I even feel like I’m doing riskier shit. Like I was so fucked up I literally fucked a girl raw that I had just met.

I was such a bitch and yes she was bpd. But those first like 3 months was like pure. It all started coming down once I heard what sounded like she was sucking someone’s cock. Played the shit outta me man.

What caused all this? I think, me just moving out on my own (literally met her like a month in), after living with my family, and getting rejected with game so much(at the beg of my journey/ doing better now), plus not having too much love as a kid made me latch on. But I didn’t feel like I was acting beta until around 8-9 months in when she stayed over for 5 weeks. I think this is when she was smashing other guys in my apt.

But I need a plan to move forward and I kinda just wanna hear other people who been through this and how’d they recover. I feel like I can’t talk to no one about this because I’m being judged.