𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞, 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

How do I make girls that have talked to me for 30 minutes feel like they’ve known me for years?

How do I get girls so comfortable around me that they break down and tell me their deepest darkest secrets that they’ve been holding back?

I’m a very empathetic person. I am genuinely curious about the people I talk to, and I want to learn more about each persons individuality and struggles.

I want to be able to feel how they feel. I want to be able to step in their shoes.

When someone tells me something, instead of looking for something to say so I can relate, or saying something to lighten the mood or make them laugh, 𝗜 𝘁𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗶𝗴 𝗱𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗿.

There’s always deeper motivations, emotions, and character traits that surround any life choice or situation a person is in.

If someone says they dance, I try to find out why they do that. Is it to relieve stress in their life? If so, what’s the stress? They like dancing, what does that mean about them as a person? Are they artsy, or super analytical and that’s their outlet to access their more creative side?

Being curious, and trying to dig deeper by being a good listener and asking questions to further the line of thought is how I do it.

There’s 2 ways to guide a conversation. It can either have a lot of breadth, covering many different topics and many different moods. Talking about travels to dogs to jokes.

Or, it can have a lot of depth. Going super deep in any one subject. This is more powerful when you go deep on emotional topics (instead of logical ones).

For instance, you can go deep on how to be a good photographer. Tips and tricks, etc. Or you can go deep on why photography is important, what’s important to someone in life, and what is holding them back from accomplishing the things that are important to them.

One has emotional weight, the other doesn’t.

Many guys think that going deep on a logical topic is what creates a bond. No. It’s understanding someones emotional, motivational side. To their core. And you have access to this by giving them a platform so that they feel comfortable enough to expose their vulnerable selves. Because most people don’t have a non-judgmental, empathetic person to talk to. Most people feel that nobody understands them.

How do you make someone comfortable enough to do that? Don’t be judgmental. Be curious. Be encouraging. Be supportive. Validate them for being open with you instead of discouraging it. Be genuinely interested.

Through these things: being curious and using questions to prompt someone to explore themselves, and also by being non judgmental and supportive, by trying to uncover people’s motivations, emotions, and character traits, you can build deep connections immediately with almost any person you talk to.

Enjoy the people you meet, and the things they’ll tell you~

- Sean.

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