For a long time, talking to women was something that I struggled with. If I saw an attractive woman, I could rarely muster up the nerve to say anything to her without stuttering like Shia Labeouf in the Transformers movies. And whenever I did manage to go up and talk to her, the conversation would go south quickly and devolve into awkward silence. What’s a guy to do?

Luckily, social skills are something we can get better at no matter how quiet, introverted, or weird you are (none of you guys are weird by the way. You’re all cool!) Just like how your favorite RPG characters can level up their stats with enough exp, we can all get better at talking to women. Using the power of curiosity is a great way to do just that. There are few things women love more than honest appreciation of them, and approaching her with a sense of curiosity is one of the best ways to show it.

So, take the woman in this picture for example.

What do you notice about her? Yes, she’s hot—I noticed that too! But let’s go a little deeper…what else do you notice about her?

  • She’s reading a book
  • She sitting on a park bench
  • She’s wearing sunglasses and sandals
  • She’s has a red bag sitting next to her

If we approach with a sense of curiosity, each of these details leads to a question:

  • What is she reading?
  • Does she enjoy spending time in the park?
  • Is she an outdoors person?
  • What kind of bag does she have?

We’re more likely to have a livelier conversation with her if we can talk about something that we both enjoy. Say that we’re an avid book reader and we love to read in our spare time. We may want to go with that first question then and ask her what she is reading. On the other hand, I’m about as active as a rock when I’m outside and I know even less about women’s bags than Donald Trump knows about being a good president, so I’m going to avoid those questions.

Let’s go with that first question and ask her what she’s reading. We can start the conversation with something short and sweet that lets our intention be known. However, it doesn’t really matter that much how you begin the conversation. Just stay away from pickup lines unless you’re the type of person who can pull them off authentically (I know I can’t). We may approach her and say something along the lines of:

“Hey, I’m Steve. I saw you over here and thought you looked interesting. What book are you reading?”

She might reply: “Hi, my name is Jane. I’m reading Don Quixote.”

From her reply, there are now more questions that we can ask her—even if we have not read that book before! Some examples of follow-up questions you can ask if you have read the book:

  • “I love that book! How far are you?”
  • “Didn’t you love the part where Don Quixote charges into the windmills?”
  • “What do you think of the squire Sancho Panza?”

And here are some questions you can ask if you have not read the book:

  • “I’m not familiar with Don Quixote. What’s it about?”
  • “I’ve heard that’s a really great book. Is it as good as everyone says?”
  • “I’ve actually never read that book, but have you read [another well-known book]?”

And then depending on her response, you can ask another follow up question or go back to the list of details that we noticed before and ask her one of those questions.

Let’s deconstruct all of this. The first thing we did was notice a few details about her other than the fact that she was hot. We picked out one of those details to talk to her about (she is reading) because we also love reading and we share that common interest. From there, we introduced ourselves very simply and then asked her a few questions about what she is reading—this shows her that we’ve taken the time to notice something she enjoys that we enjoy as well.

Notice how this is drastically different from what a lot of guys do. Virtually every guy who sees the woman in the picture will notice that she is hot. She probably gets several guys reminding her of this every day and she’s tired of it. Let’s go deeper and see what else we can notice about her. When you approach her with a sense of curiosity and ask questions to learn more about her, you send the message that you’re interested in her values, attitudes, experiences, and beliefs. You’re interested in who she is as a person.

Women love that.

By the way, if you are interested in learning more then I encourage you to visit my own website [www.charmingintrovert.com](http://www.charmingintrovert.com]. Is this a shameless plug? Yes. Do you have to visit my site? No, of course not. Right now it's still under construction, but I'll be writing about areas that I used to struggle with such as how to meet and talk to women women, psychological tricks to make yourself more confident, and how to go from dating to having a girlfriend.