No idea how else to title this shit. This seriously will probably go against the rules of the subreddit, but oh well... i see 10s of posts a day not actually being in the span of rulesets this subreddit gives.

So yeah, my mind is exploding because of one woman i met. And this shit is more intense then it has been in my entire life and i was in quite a few relationships. To give a feeling for how intense this shit is... i would die trying to fight a fucking dragon for this girl.

I dont actually want to put her on a pedestal, i do criticize her often enough and point out weaknesses she has. But god fucking dammit. I will not let my feeling take over. Im on MY JOURNEY to become the very best version of myself i could ever be. But god fucking dammit. No matter what girl i see, i have to fucking think of her. Making matters worse, she is in a relationship.

Today i wanted to go to club X but she invited me to club Y and i went for it even if she knew pulling this of allows her to have some kind of control over me. I dont want to manipulate her, i dont want to do whatever... but im so goddamn sick in love behind ALL my will power i cannot resist getting dragged into her direction with her having control over it. I feel like im exploding right now.

Meditating, thinking about it all will tommorow probably help and i KNOW i cannot get an easy answer right her, but im writing this so MAYBE someone reading this can give me a small push that helps me with this insanity. Really, its pretty bad. I would do everything for this one. I just want her. All she... bwah, im getting angry at typing this. Sigh. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Wow, what a crazy night! So i went to hert invitation only to have her best friend tell me to PISS OFF while her boyfriend was kissing her. Can you believe this? This girl did not even have the balls to tell me that herself. That i am a annoyance for her. So here i sit and try to feel the pain - but i don't. She is merely worth shaking my head for a few seconds. I know this drunken text is pretty weird. Can't even say i learned something big. BUT i wanne thank seduction, but especially Owen (RSDTyler) for being. What i learned in the past made me not even feel pain today after some girl tried to crush my hurt in some weird way. I'd like to imagine i am a grown man and those guys behave like kids, but actually i don't know and i don't care. Seduction is a good thing :)