This post is about a common problem I see in the community. Most men, when they sarge a girl, ask factual questions. They do not ask questions which evoke emotion and elicit beliefs and values.

When I watch a lot of these infield videos on YouTube from these so called experts, they ask girls really boring questions. For example, If they were talking about travelling with a girl, they would probably ask them a question like “How did you get there?” Or if they talk about their own experience travelling, they would probably say something like, “I went there once. It was cool”. That's completely wrong.

You should be asking these types of questions: "Can you tell me about the moment when you really recognized that you wanted to travel to this country?" "What is it that really attracted you to it?" "What is it about this country that you find so fascinating?"

Questions that evoke emotion. Questions that make them do a deep internal search.

Questions that elicit emotions, states, processes, beliefs and values are the types of questions which allows you to create a deeper connection with someone. They are the types of questions which really help you learn about someone.

The problem I see is that a lot of guys are talking about data and facts because that is how you're used to speaking. For example, if you're talking about riding a roller coaster you don't want to talk about how your heart rate goes up to 160bpm and it triggers a fight-or-flight response, which releases a cocktail of hormones into your bloodstream. You want to talk about how it feels in the body. What do you feel? What do you see? What do you hear? What do you taste? What do you smell? What were you thinking at the time? Was there one part of you that wanted to do it and another that didn't? That's how you should be thinking.

I was helping a guy sarge a girl over text and he was going to tell her a story about a time he had sex in an elevator. Most guys, when they are telling this story, would tell it like this, "I was in an elevator with a girl at 02:00 am. I had sex with her. It was fun." That's completely wrong. You want to use descriptive language. Here is what I got him to send her:

"I don't know how well you can imagine this as you read this but I was in the elevator with a girl and you could feel that tension, you know that feeling when it's on now? And it was building and we just had to act on those feelings so we started kissing and my heart was pounding. I was excited but I was scared at the same time."

And guess how she responded... she said, "That sounds cool. I wish it would happen to me some day". She then suggested that they speak someday.

Now, I'm not suggesting that you walk up to a girl and start talking about sex immediately. You need to set it up correctly. You want to introduce it in a way that sounds natural and demonstrates social intelligence. For example, if I were going to talk about sex, I might introduce it like this, "This story might be too naughty for you, so please stop me at any time if you don't feel comfortable". With that line, I've demonstrated social intelligence. I demonstrated that I'm not some creepy pervert. I demonstrated that it might make her feel uncomfortable so she can choose if she wants to hear your story or not. I'm also challenging her too when I say that it might be too naughty for her.

I don't know if you've enjoyed this post but if you have, you can DM me if you want private coaching.