Hola sedditors,

Here's a mental trick I use quite a bit. I find it helps when all my self-esteem flies out the window.

There's a term in psychotherapy: "the locus of evaluation". This is basically the source of your opinion of yourself. The locus can be internal or external. Here's an example. Someone might have ended up in a shitty marriage; an abusive husband or a nagging wife, whatever. They're constantly critical and it's hell to live with. Now, if your locus of evaluation is external that means you look outside of yourself, into the world, to see whether you're 'good' or not. Whether you're worthy of praise and intimacy and affection and recognition of your character. If you get it externally and you're having a great time, well awesome sauce. You check the outside world: your friends love you, your spouse is adoring, your job is going perfectly, that novel you polished off is getting considered for publication: hoorah. But shit rarely unfolds like that.

More often than not, at least one area of your life is a little shitty. In the case of our husband or wife above, quite a lot is going to be shitty. They get their source of self-esteem - their locus, I mean - from outside of themselves. Every time they wonder how to respond to a situation, they check their locus. Imagine if instead of a published novel and an adoring husband and interesting friends it's a critical partner. You're going to feel like shit. Constantly. Your self-esteem is going to hover at nil. Your husband tells you you're worthless. You believe that shit.Your wife accuses you of failing at everything you try your hand at. Well, hot damn. She must be right.

What if the locus was on the inside? Instead of looking out at the world for cues to say 'you're worthy of actually existing', you develop enough strength of character to affirm it on the inside. Now, this is often used in humanistic counselling to help clients with low self-esteem overcome their social anxiety, but really it lends itself just as well to seddit and pick up psychology, if there is such a thing. Approach anxiety stems from a belief that you're not worthy of talking to your target. Losing your cool, ED, feeling like shit because your night didn't end in pornstar-like sex, all of this is a result of keeping your locus of evaluation on the inside. You are so dependent on the validation that comes from sexy times or successful sarging that you centered everything around it. Ironically, approaches, seduction - all of it - almost always comes off as more natural and effective when you're not attached to the outcome. This is doubtless the reason why jerks get laid and the arrogant and cocky win over nice guys.

The reason why improving your lifestyle will cure issues with self-esteem is the same reason going out 'just to have fun' - as loads of sedditors recommend - will improve your game no end. Your emotional state is no longer dependent on the outcome. Because, Fuck. That. Shit. If your shit is in order, if you're leading an exciting life and someone doesn't seem all that interested in talking to you at a bar; who gives a damn? You know you're the t-rex's testicles, whatever happens. Your locus is on the inside. Occasionally days hit me when I slip back into patterns of self-loathing and low self-esteem. This is partly due to being overly analytic, I'm sure many of you are the same. But it doesn't take long to remind myself not to seek verification from the outside world. There's enough going on inside of my head to confirm that exciting shit is inbound, that persistence and discipline are the only two necessary ingredients to a remarkable life, since persistence and discipline are the same two ingredients most people forfeit on a daily basis,

In short: engineer your daily life so that you don't seek validation from outside. I'll write more about this if desired, but more than enough sedditors have covered it already. I've found that simply working out, eating healthier, putting time into the projects I love (writing etc) and becoming the best possible version of myself is more than enough to overcome the awfulness of keeping your locus on the outside,

Exurbia.