While my problem does not relate directly to seduction, I post it here because you all have a very good understanding of the concept of "state" and place great emphasis on being able to control one's state in his favor. I apologize for the length of this post in advance, but to any and all who read it, I thank you greatly, for I am very much in need of the help of this community (of which I have been a lurker of for nearly over a year now).

In high school, I had never considered the idea of "state", but looking back, I had a great one. I was amazing at engaging people. I was (usually) comfortable around most people and very outgoing. Holding conversations came naturally and required little effort, and often amounted to great experiences and provided me with the ability to easily make friends out of strangers.

Into my second year of college, however, I no longer feel that way at all, leaving me not even feeling like myself. It's as if every word spoken, every action, and every movement feels "forced" or "fake". My best friend has even called me out on it.

I now constantly over-think every interaction I have with everyone. For instance, even when speaking with my roommates, I'll completely over-analyze every response in every conversation; not just what I'm saying, but how I'm saying it. This has led me to stutter somewhat frequently, something I never used to do. I'm also constantly trying to view myself through other people's perspectives while conversing with them, making myself even more self-conscious and making it even more difficult to appear confident, and more importantly, to truly feel confident, like I used to.

Since high school I have developed a gradual psychological addiction to smoking marijuana. For the last few months that I had been smoking, it began taking it's tole in a variety of ways. To sum up; I couldn't think as clearly (even when sober), I relied on it to feel able to be social, and I lost the ability to appreciate my life while sober.

Importantly, after smoking, I do feel like myself, my old self that could engage people, that didn't over-think things, that could talk to anyone. After I began realizing that weed became my crutch, I foolishly started relying on it even more. Thankfully, I have recently given up smoking (clean for +3 weeks now).

The problem is I only feel slightly better and less reliant on smoking to achieve the state I wish I could always be in. At least my reliance is not going to be getting any worse, but I am still left with almost nowhere to turn.

The only other possible cause of my inability to control my state to my knowledge is my current girlfriend. She really is a great girl and treats me very well, but she is just very different from me. We spend a lot of time together, and honestly, she isn't amazingly outgoing or funny or particularly engaging; she is somewhat outgoing, very nice and friendly, and mature. Without dwelling on this too long, I feel like because we have spent so much time together over the (almost) year we've been together, I feel like my disposition may have been affected by her.

It's no secret that many guys act differently with their girlfriends when they're alone than they do with their friends; when I'm with my girlfriend I am not providing myself with an environment conducive to my ideal state. Our interactions are much more calm and laid back.

Regardless of the cause of my loss of state, does anyone have any advice on how I can improve my state from where I am? Every day for the past few weeks has been so hard to stay away from smoking, but I know that it will heavily hinder the process of me being able to finally feel like myself again. What can I do/read to help me regain my confidence?

Thank you