This post used to be an AMA but I missed the memo on needing mod approval. So now it's reincarnated as an info dump that you can comment on. Maybe I'll reply 😉.

Introduction

I've been in the game for a while. Over these four years, I've had cold approach success, quite a few relationships and heartbreaks, and have done lots of introspection and soul-searching. It's been wonderful and terrible. This is my story. I'm also still looking to learn - more advanced people slide by in the comments :D.

At the start, I was basically friendless/girl-less. I started out doing basic socialization work like introducing myself to literally everyone that crossed my path, going to the gym, wearing better things than basketball shorts and a baggy t-shirt, etc. That took about a year and a half. Then the next year was when I really got into the seduction community and learning the ropes. How to talk to a girl, ask out on a date, provide value, and close the date. Finally, year 3.5-4.5 I've been hitting street/anywhere pickup, general sociability pretty on point, and am seeing multiple girls at the same time. Throughout this all, I've done a lot of soul-searching to deal with self-esteem issues, my sexuality, and my desires for life.

The Thrill and the Agony

I have lots of failures. I remember my first terrible cold approach. I remember all the dates I messed up by being too high-strung or not being calibrated with my pull or just being plain inexperienced. I remember all the fumbling I did learning how to communicate and listen well. But there were great moments too. My first successful cold approach and all the good (or funny) ones that came after. The great women I met and the close bonds we made. The looks on my roommates faces when I bring home a girl a week :p. Honestly though my path isn't anything super spectacular. I still feel like I can become a better man (in the dating and person sense). But it proved to me that dating can be learned, and learned well.

So I wouldn't say I'm an amazing seducer or anything. If yall want to get into lay counts or whatever I'm not above 20. But I've reached the point where I feel like I could stop (although I prob won't). I am able to comfortably pursue and get the girls that I want to get. I can arrange an LTR or do something more casual. The women I date are good, attractive people who sometimes make pastries for me and help me talk through my thoughts, hopes, and emotions. They are basically of any race (I'm asian btw). So overall I feel blessed. That's kinda why I want to give back.

The summary of my core advice

If you are committed to improving your dating/social life you need two things: practice and soul searching. Let's start with practice. I used to think dating was hard. And it is. But in terms of effort required, it's much easier than building a great career or being great at a sport or learning an instrument well. Then why doesn't an engineer or swimmer become great at dating if it doesn't require much effort? Because of lack of opportunity to socialize and practice. While you can study all you want from a mechanical engineering textbook, practicing socializing requires other people to want to talk and be with you. So you get this chicken-egg thing where you're not socially good enough to get opportunities to socialize, but you can't improve socially without socializing. This is rough. In many ways this is like trying to get a first job, with the same chicken-egg dynamic in play. No experience to get first job, but can't get experience without first job. So my advice is this: take every opportunity possible to socialize. Literally anyone. People in a coffee shop, in your workplace, school, etc. Just sit down, and say something like "Hi, how's your day going?". Then talk to them and relate to them as a person. Learn their name and stuff about them. Maybe even grab their number to be a friend/acquaintance. Once you're at a baseline level, you can move towards dating practice in cold approach and hopefully with your burgeoning social circle (from all the people you're meeting!).

I disagree with some people who say you should work on inner game first. I think you should do both outer and inner game concurrently. The reason women care so much about confidence is because it's a real indicator of your internal belief in your own success in life. So to be confident in dating and socializing, you need to go out and fumble around with outer game and get an understanding of what dealing with women (and men) is actually like. Of course, get your confidence in other arenas of life dealt with too - if you don't it'll limit you in the long run.

Here's where soul searching comes in. As you do this inner/outer game concurrent improvement, you will be forced to change as a person. I remember when I first was seeing multiple women I had an intense feeling of being fake and not being worthy of their attention, like I had tricked them. This led me to my philosophy on focusing exclusively on improving the lives of the women around me, while never shying away from setting my boundaries and communicating with her on the status of our relationship. It's worked pretty well so far but I'm sure issues will crop up eventually and I'll have to go soul search again.

More Ramblings

I'm not especially attractive. The one thing I had going for me since I was little was lowered social anxiety. Not to say I didn't have it. I went on many a cold approach walk where I didn't talk to a single soul. I'd spend hours out, looking at girls I wanted to talk to, walking in their direction, then letting them fade into the distance. It felt pretty terrible. I conquered the anxiety directly by throwing out the classic line a lot: "Hi! (pause). I saw you walking over there and thought you were cute. So I wanted to say hi. I'm _____". It might be better for you to start smaller if you have more anxiety. I think a good in-between is going up to everybody and say "Hi! I'm trying to talk to a few random people every day. I'm _____. What's going on with you today?". You probably should avoid street approach since you're probably not confident enough to stop people while they're moving. Stick to coffee shops and stuff where you can just plop down next to people and strike up a conversation.

Conclusion

I've spent quite a lot of time on seduction and socialization, but I'm no guru. I've also been balancing working on my career and my hobbies, which take up much more time for me. Overall though, I'm proud of my path and I want other people to be able to match or exceed it. I also hope that people can contribute advice - I'm looking to improve the quality of women I meet. Overall I come off as a pretty good natural, but there's something missing imo for the really hot girls. Thanks for reading!