Approach anxiety when sober

hanzosan_ · 2019-11-26T21:27:44+00:00

I think your texts come across as a little limp. Suggest dinner more willfully, like “let’s get dinner this Friday and maybe some more drinks and dancing afterwards;)”

For the most part, girls respond to assertion. Assert yourself in a collected, confident way that doesn’t overstep their personal boundaries but rather shows self-assuredness. Like this is what we’re doing and when it’s going to happen, but also deliver that sentiment with an attitude that leads her to believe it doesn’t matter whether she accepts because you have plenty of other people to make plans with. In my experience, this works. Best of luck mate

Also, practice. If you’re picking up 3-4 numbers every time you go out, text all of them and try to get dates with all of them or at least keep a text conversation going. Say weird things, experiment, find out what works for you!

Edit: one more thing, making slightly sexual innuendos through text always breaks down some of the sexual tension that exists on first and second dates and also plants a seed in her mind that sex is, in part, what you’re looking for... like “next time well have to get a little closer on the dance floor” or something casual. Not sure if you’re from America, but American girls seem to respond to smileys like :) and ;) lol emojis are cool too if tastefully used

crzyferrlady · 2019-11-26T20:09:29+00:00

Text her another time and just say hey I was wondering if you have any free time this week?

And go from there, maybe she doesn't want to do the sit down and talk thing again and would like to actively do something. Go to a museum, botanical garden or some other activity that doesn't involve alcohol.

Also: Did you make out with anyone or something along those lines when she left?

kandy96 · 2019-11-27T00:04:15+00:00

Just wanted to add some thoughts. I find myself making out with more girls at clubs when I'm drunk, but it never leads anywhere. Of course this is due to the false confidence alcohol gives that allows easier conversation. I think that unless a girl REALLY likes you, these drunk nights are more for fun and nothing else. I've found that plenty of girls going out for the night want to leave that night in the past unless a guy really stands out to them. Even if you end up taking her home there is typically a low chance of anything coming out of it if you or her are drunk. Real connections aren't made through drunk hookups. Sure it could be nice if you've been on a dry spell or like playing the field, but that isn't how more serious things start.

Just recently I convinced myself to go out sober AND alone. This was the best choice I've ever made. It forced me to make actual connections with guys and girls at the club. The guys were great to have someone new to wingman with other that my usual crew, but more importantly I met a girl that was really fun to be with, and that's a guarantee since we were both sober. We hooked up a few times and went on a few dates, but she wasn't exactly what I am looking for so we went our separate ways.

I know the reason for your post was approach anxiety when sober or just conversation with girls in general when sober, but you gotta realize that unless you only want one night stands, you gotta start meeting girls sober so you can make actual connections. Even if you both have a few drinks but can still have actual healthy conversation, that's all that matters. Don't be discouraged by not being able to think about what to say. Texting and face to face conversations aren't supposed to be one-sided. If you are the one that always has to think of things to say then that girl isn't right for you anyway. Either she's boring (to you) because you don't have similar interests, or she just isn't interested in you to keep conversation going. It's also CRUCIAL to keep texting to a minimal. I'll leave a girl I like on read for a few hours and tell her I was busy with a hobby or work. This is a no brainer, but some guys (I did this in the past is why I know...) think if you don't respond immediately then she will lose interest. Definitely not the case!

Best of luck homie, we're all in this social anxiety circus together. Just find that confidence within you while you're sober and kick some ass!

gapdaddy72 · 2019-11-27T14:43:30+00:00

Understand something really important: They are just girls. As in maybe they are shy too, or not sure what to say, etc... If you are interested in them then ask questions about them. If you are interested in her replies proceed, if not you can cut it off. If you go right to asking them out it can send the wrong message to them. Show them you are interested in who they are and what they have to say and what they think. Get to know them more, and let them learn about you more before suggesting meeting up, otherwise you’re basing everything on how they appeared on an alcohol influenced visit to a club. That really isn’t much to go on...

Title	Approach anxiety when sober
Author	daudionut
Upvotes	4
Comments	8
Date	November 26, 2019 7:47 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/e23b82/approach_anxiety_when_sober/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/approach-anxiety-when-sober.1484751 https://theredarchive.com/post/1484751

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