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[–]okayIntern 5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can say something about leaving your last relationship and something you got into to get over it. Like "yeah my last relationship wasn't great but when we broke up, it gave me the push to finally try exercising more. do you like running?" and now you're talking about that hobby and not about the past
[–]smoothmax 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You can turn around anything like this, judo-like.
If you want to sexually escalate, no what matter she's complaining about, interrupt her and say:
"You mean he couldn't give you multiple orgasms orally?"
With a look of sassy, fake sympathy because you're thinking almost aloud, "Orgasms R Us baby, let's bury the past starting in five minutes from now."
Or if you're a nice guy trying to build a relationship:
"You mean he didn't listen to you enough? Tell me more."
But basically stare in her eyes romantically and barely listen, just convey to her that you adore her.
[–]cliff_lord 6 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
I could see how the first one could work but the second one is literally the opposite of what I’m trying to achieve and a bad idea
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Lol, pay attention ...
The second one is only superficially about encouraging her to talk about her ex. You're not sympathetically listening to her at all. Only pretending to, in a very nice way. You're inviting her to go ahead and spill her guts about her ex, but you're not giving her any sympathy. As soon as she notices that she isn't getting emotional feedback (which will be very quickly) she'll give up.
[–]cliff_lord 6 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
I get where you’re coming from man, but I kid you not this is exactly what happened to me last night. I was just a blank slate (all ears) as she blabbered on about her abusive ex who was older and neglected to tell her he had a wife. She must of went on for 15 minutes. I gave no comments as she continued with her monologue
[–]smoothmax 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ok. I sympathize!
I'm going to toss out possible strategies to use if this happens again, stream of consciousness style. Just for fun and practice.
1) "Uh huh. Uh huh" until she notices that you're bored and/or patronizing her. "Ah sorry I was thinking of something else. Continue!" with a definite smirk. Because the frame is, "you're cute and I'm gonna keep on mentally undressing you while you talk."
2) Interrupt with oral orgasm wisecrack as above. Or other DHV sexual spike.
3) "Hey I can tell this is really upsetting you and I don't feel I'm giving you the sympathy that you need. C'mon I'm gonna bring you home. Make yourself some herbal tea and watch some TV. Let's make another date for next week when you feel better."
4) "Geez that's terrible. It reminds me of what happened to me in high school." Launch into a boring and pointless story. Or ask her, "Were you ever a cheerleader?" Just riff on random things.
5) "Someone needs a hug." Don't say another word. Stand up, extend your hand, and lead her out to your car and to wherever you were planning to have sex with her. If she asks questions just hold up a finger to your lips, "shh". Notice that you didn't give her a hug.
[–]cliff_lord1 point 6 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Ok this is helpful, thx!
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The principle is this: we are primates. When a primate communicates with emotions to other primates, they can only sustain it as long as the other primate(s) mirror their emotion. Meaning imitate their emotion and feed it back to them. Ie. sympathize. It's how fear, anger, grief and joy spread through a tribe of chimps. But when a primate gets zero positive feedback they drop it immediately. It's a waste of time and they feel isolated emotionally.
So when you make a joke that falls flat, you stop laughing pretty quickly. A kid who stubs their toe stops crying if nobody runs over to hug them. And a chick who moans about her love life gives it up when she doesn't get any sympathy. The judo moves are, to deny her sympathy in either a funny or polite way by either turning it into sexual innuendo, or giving her an emotional vacuum instead of a shoulder to cry on.
[–]Thats__Random 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Time to walk on out
[–]cliff_lord 6 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Is that just a red flag for you? I’m trying to salvage the conversation but maybe that should just be a warning, it’s been happening a lot lately
[–]Thats__Random 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That was a joke , but say to them I’m not here to talk about ex’s , I’m here to meet you otherwise we can cancel this. Something like that to get the point across
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[–]okayIntern 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]cliff_lord [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]cliff_lord [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]cliff_lord1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]smoothmax 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Thats__Random 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]cliff_lord [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Thats__Random 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link