Being Romantic and Chivalrous....?

TeHCh00bFace · 2013-05-18T03:32:51+00:00

First off. I stumbled into this thread by clicking the "random" tab at the top of the reddit browser... so there's a good chance everyone who posts after me may try and disprove what I have to say, because I don't know your "game" jargon like kino(kin-esthetic I imagine?) or whatever...

If a girl blows you off after a few dates... to put it simply... she's bored of you.

Which should never happen, not between any two people. Ever. There is plenty of interesting things about you. But you've gotta speak from the heart, you hearing me?

Tell her about the things you like. And don't just say, "I like basketball" and end it. The reason you choose things you are passionate about is so you can go into detail about them, express words and emotions that should simply flow.

She won't be noticing your words as much as your passion. So... you can buy wine or dim the lights... but thats all hollywood bullcrap, things that have been spoon fed to all of us... generic.

Instead of getting yourself down... think of all the extra time you'll have to learn new tricks, for yourself. You have to feel interesting to be interesting.

Learn to dance. Learn astrology. Learn to play an instrument. Practice Culinary. Go for a jog. Meditate. Do something for yourself.

And call her back in six weeks. You'll see a difference.

TheCuriousDude · 2013-05-18T03:41:30+00:00

How about you pay attention to the girl?

If a girl tells you that you're "not good at pulling off the jerk personality" and that you "should tone it down a bit", that means you're doing a shitty job. It's one thing for a girl to say "you're being a jerk". It's an entirely different thing for a girl to say you're "not good at pulling off the jerk personality". It means she knows you're putting on a act. Nothing is more of a turn-off that a guy who seems inauthentic and incongruent. You don't have to be a douche to pass shit tests and maintain frame. Just be confident. Up your inner game, man.

As someone pointed out in your askseddit post, you're way too pushy. Again, how about you pay attention to the girl? There's a difference between a dude escalating and backing off if the girl isn't interested and what you did. You know what backing off tells her? That you recognize social cues and respect her boundaries. You know what you told her by being pushy? You're a creepy, socially inept chode who doesn't recognize social cues and respect her boundaries. Kino and escalation are for testing how physically comfortable a girl is with you. I get the impression that you were just using kino and escalation to continuously cop a feel.

recyclablebantha · 2013-05-18T10:12:21+00:00

A girl I went on two dates with rejected my request to go on a third date. When I asked her what actions of mine put her off she told me no romanticism, no chivalry, too horny (excessive kino and touching), rude jokes/insults and finally she told me that girls like dirty jokes that are in good taste.

Really, she was talking only about herself, but she tried to put a non-selfish face on it by attempting to generalize what she wants, to what all girls want.

I have a number of questions: what is being romantic (I asked her but she didn't reply)? And what is having chivalry? Finally how do I make dirty jokes that are in good taste?

Really, chivalrous boils down to not being a dick about being a man. Opening doors and stuff like that.

Being romantic kind of boils down to doing sweet and considerate things. How do you know when to do those things? If you're paying attention to her when her mouth opens (REALLY paying attention) then a girl will honestly give you enough information to work with. Example: A girl actually did something like this to me.....she remembered some comment I said about something I liked and she proposed a cool day trip that featured that interest. It was pretty cool. I've done this sort of thing a lot, myself.

You don't make dirty jokes that are in good taste, so much as you listen to the person you are with. If you're paying attention, you'll figure out if she's a girl who'd appreciate such jokes. Don't change your humor to fit some girl: if you like to tell dirty jokes, tell 'em.

Also, what she told me seems to go against much of PUA theory, because I was kinoing her and trying to go for the kiss the whole time, but she was not letting me.

Again, all of this makes it sound as if you really weren't paying attention to her. AT ALL. PUA theory is not, Step a, then Step B, then Step C...and so on. Every situation is different. These are women you're dating, not robots that follow prescribed steps. As such, the time to move up the escalation ladder is when you get the go ahead from her. Of course, pushing things to test the waters is not a bad thing because then you can see if she's game for it. But it sounds like you just keep jumping the gun and escalating without paying attention to her.

EDIT2: I have realized that in part a cause of disregard for the interests of the girl is caused by excessive reading of pua theory?

No, it's because you're in your head more than listening to her. In any process, you have to be able to deal with curveballs thrown by the real world. I mean, FUCK, if you're driving a car and you have the green light, technically you can go, but if a line of police cars is crossing the intersection in front of you, then you'll know to stop the car and wait for them before going.

It's the same on a date. Just because you put your arm around her does not give you license to go in for the kiss. You escalate and then LISTEN (with all of your senses). Then you escalate some more, and LISTEN to the response.

What you don't do is go to the next step solely because you did the previous step.

This girl was beautiful and I am not used to beautiful girls talking to me, dating me, approaching me or having feminine emotions (like the desire for a romantic connection) because in the past I was rejected by beautiful girls. So during this date, I was confused thinking to myself things like "why would this beautiful girl date me? why would she interlock her fingers with mine? why would she like me?"

Yeah, it just sounds like you were in your head, insecure, and outcome dependent. Time to bone up on your inner game....... I'd look up terms like Outcome Independence. You get over such a mindset but actively working to rewire your thoughts. If you catch yourself thinking some of these negative thought patterns, you really have to check them to make sure they are accurate according to reality. The fact that you were on that date, should have been proof enough, logically, to debunk a thought like, "why would she date you?" etc.

leodoestheopposite · 2013-05-20T02:36:49+00:00

Dude! you went out on a date to see if there was enough chemistry for anything more than a date. And there was not. Move on.

The very last thing you want to do is to change to please one woman; and you should not change who you are just to have more chances on scoring more women.

What you want to work on is to realize who you are, what you like, and live that life as that persona. Like-minded people will gravitate towards you, including females who will then want to do more than just a date with you.

/r/seduction is about being a modern confident male, living life on your own terms first, then attracting women second.

Title	Being Romantic and Chivalrous....?
Author	Future_Alpha
Upvotes	6
Comments	9
Date	May 18, 2013 2:17 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ek1dn/being_romantic_and_chivalrous/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/being-romantic-and-chivalrous.1352490 https://theredarchive.com/post/1352490

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