Best way to ask?

muirnoire · 2017-04-08T06:05:52+00:00

"Hi, I know this is very forward of me, but you seem like someone It would be nice to get to know better. Can we grab a coffee together sometime."

(Sure. Heres my number.)

I have used this line dozens of times to great effect. It's literally the perfect line.

It's respectful. It doesn't put the woman on a pedestal. It allows for the possibility she may not be a nice person (you seem like). It lays a genuine compliment on the girl and girls live for genuine compliments.

It has balance and poise and its different than anything she's heard before.

What game you bring after is up to you, but I number closed for years with that line. It's very easy to sound natural when saying it.

Woujo · 2017-04-08T02:31:58+00:00

You are going to make like 17 different mistakes.

First, don't harass women when they are at work. They can't leave and they have to be nice to customers, so you are putting her in an awkward situation by asking her out. If you don't have a prior history with her, it's very rude to just walk up to her and try to get her number. The most I would do is just say "hey I'm X, I've noticed you here before, I just wanted to come by and say I think you're pretty." And then walk away unless she gives you the biggest invitation to continue on earth.

Second, don't walk into an interaction "planning on asking her out." She may not like you. Or you may not like her. I usually don't "ask a girl out" until we've spoken for a while an she's shown some interest.

Third, don't ever give a girl your number. She won't call. You have to take her number.

Fourth, small talk is not interesting or memorable. For a girl to give a shit about you, you need big talk - deep, interesting subjects.

Don't ever say "we should hang out sometime." You need to pick a time and place and say "we should go to X place at Y time."

That's just to start.

In short, don't do it.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-04-10T02:42:24+00:00

Okay, I'm going to go over what you both said, /u/Kalolilo and /u/Woujo to point out a few things from my perspective.

_____W_____

You are going to make like 17 different mistakes.

I get where you're coming from, I think. OP's a newb so he is more likely to flubb something up like this.

First, don't harass women when they are at work. They can't leave and they have to be nice to customers, so you are putting her in an awkward situation by asking her out.

You're pointing out a very true thing. People in the service industry have to be nice. It's part of their job. So then it sets the bar higher in terms of what can be considered a "sign of interest."

But asking someone out or flirting with them, doesn't equal harassment. It just means that one has to be careful about it. One can't be pressing hard at all: the girl is more in the driver's seat and she's probably in front of her boss and one doesn't want to get her in trouble.

I think we'd agree that OP should probably not try at work unless he gets a really good read on her and she's going above and beyond normal customer service in some way. And to be safe, he probably shouldn't try to "game" her at work.

Second, don't walk into an interaction "planning on asking her out." She may not like you. Or you may not like her.

Totally agree.

I usually don't "ask a girl out" until we've spoken for a while an she's shown some interest.

Probably unnecessary. The timing is hard to predict for something like this. It usually takes some time but how much can vary wildly at times.

Third, don't ever give a girl your number. She won't call. You have to take her number.

Number exchanges. Give her your number and take hers. There's absolutely no reason you should ever be an unknown caller or texter to her.

Fourth, small talk is not interesting or memorable. For a girl to give a shit about you, you need big talk - deep, interesting subjects.

True, don't keep things at small talk. But small talk is the gateway to bigger subjects. Conversation threading allows you to transition from a basic small talk conversation into something better.

Don't ever say "we should hang out sometime." You need to pick a time and place and say "we should go to X place at Y time."

Yep.

_________K___________

You are not harassing a girl at work by asking her out. I have asked out girls at work multiple times. Sometimes they were so happy that I did, sometimes they were not interested. No one cares.

Well, it's not necessarily harassment. I've also asked girls out while they were at work. I'm just going to say that when I was a newb, that was one of the most cringe-worthy events in my life and probably not a highlight of her life. I know for a fact that things went from cool, to creepy FAST. But then again, I've asked girls out more recently at work and it went well because I know more about how it all works.

If OP is a newb, as he appears to be, then he probably shouldn't start off with advanced level stuff like picking up on a girl at work. It's too easy to accidentally drift into bad territory.

It's not rude. He also has prior history with her. It wouldn't be rude without history. You can always build a bit of rapport for 1 minute and ask for the number.

The tricky part is that building that rapport at work will be less clear because she's paid to be friendly at work so getting a read on just how much she's into the conversation, can be tricky.

Second, don't walk into an interaction "planning on asking her out." She may not like you. Or you may not like her.

There is some truth to this, but the reason for this was not included in the comment. The reason should be that you should be in the buyers/qualifying mindset.

I'm going to suggest that this might be a semantic disagreement. When he said "she may not like you or you may not like her," that means pretty much the same thing as "buyers mindset." You both seem to be suggesting that a guy feels a girl out to see if she's ACTUALLY interesting to him beyond her appearance.

This is mostly correct, but not all of it. Some girls are pretty scared or sometimes you were too alpha in the interaction and she is reserved about giving you her number. Often times, girls have asked me for my number, before I asked for theirs, because they were interested. In that situation, you can give them your number.

Again.... one can't go wrong with a number exchange. Making the whole thing where you both help each other enter your contact information correctly into each other's phones.... it's a good way to get a little kino and playfulness in if one wants.

This is correct in some situations, but not in this. OP said he doesn't see the girl other than at work. So, he only has 1 minute to show value and ask for the number. He literally cannot talk about deep interesting subjects before asking for the number. So, your best way to go is to give her a sweet emotional spike with a joke or a small tease and directly ask for her number.

I get where you're coming from and you both have some good points. Small talk IS limited and it's better to go deeper. But he probably can't assume he'll have a block of time large enough to get into a deeper topic.

Overall, it's best to just be flexible so one can adjust to what actually happens, whether she ends up being busy at work or actually having time (and the desire) to talk longer. You guys would probably agree on this.

The calibrated answer here is also, that in OP's situation, directly telling her a specific time and place is putting way too much pressure on the girl. The girl doesn't know OP and asking for such a large commitment at this point of very little investment, will not work.

This is a valid point, actually. I have come to realize that I am specific when I ask a girl out, in some situations, but shift to a vaguer strategy in situations like this one where being specific would be too much pressure.

Title	Best way to ask?
Author	jacobwojo
Upvotes	3
Comments	19
Date	April 8, 2017 2:11 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/644ow1/best_way_to_ask/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/best-way-to-ask.1309175 https://theredarchive.com/post/1309175

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