After my last Field Report I got a lot of PMs asking about gaming from home. Here's my take on it. Also, are you from DC? come join us at /R/DCSeddit .
My Situation.
Never moved out. Twenty-five years old. Live with my folks. Technically unemployed.
Acceptance.
You live at home. Own it. If this is used as an excuse by someone for not being with you or coming to your place? This isn't the reason, it's just low hanging fruit for her to safely get away from you.
Manage your family.
You're an adult, act like one. If you aren't paying rent, this means you contribute. Buy groceries for your family, wash the dishes, cook dinner for them, take out the trash, clean up after them. Your folks/family are busy. You need to do things for them to help them out and give yourself some sort of value. Being their son/daughter is no longer enough.
The goal here is to ultimately make them reliant on you, with or without them knowing. This is how you begin to establish some sort of power over them. You need to do things they hate, but HAVE to have done. Does your mom always do the cooking, but hates it? Do some cooking, clean the dishes. You want them to quickly give up this habit and let you take over, so you can then stop doing it and make them realize how much they need you.
I do this by grocery shopping, cleaning up, cooking, taking care of the dogs, and providing other things my family needs. Sometimes I stop it because I don't feel like doing it. These are not my chores, this is how I contribute. 1 week (with the plausible deniability) of me being too busy to do it because of work/school/etc will firmly re-establish how much easier things are with me around.
When your folks come home, do they see you sitting on your ass playing video games? Watching movies? And you wonder why they give you shit? In their minds they work their ass off and come home and the first thing they see if you being a lazy fuck. Even if you bust your ass, this is the image they see of you. You need to never let them see you do this, especially on first impression of the day. This means when they wake up, or come home from work. My mom has to feed the dogs in the morning. Since I wake up before her, I prepare her food for her so she doesn't have to do anything. If she drank coffee? I'd brew a fucking pot. When she comes home at night? If I'm cooking something for dinner I prepare extra incase she wants some. This is the easiest, yet hardest part. Their bi-daily first impressions of you need to be good. This isn't something you do every day, or it will lose its value, but sometimes you need to do that, and when you don't? Have plausible deniability that you would love to, but something prevented you.
Overall impression. On a grander scale, you need to be busy. I'm literally in my house maybe 2 hours a day when I'm not sleeping. Between all the activities in my life I'm busy as fuck, this will give off the image of you being: busy, important, and pursuing something in your life. It does so happen that I am pursuing my dreams and career, but I was doing that before and spent time lounging around the house, and the relationship was much more strained back then.
You need to section off your space and build those boundaries. This means changing shit and redecorating. You are proverbially pissing on the tree. This space, MUST. BE. YOURS. This is where your biggest fights might take place, but it is the most necessary.
If you can't up and change shit, escalate slowly. Leave your shit around the room at first, constantly. Then you redecorate slowly. Pick up a DIY project and make a coffee table, feign interest and build one in your style, portray it as something you're emotionally invested in and place it in your space. They are much less likely to fight you on this when you have an emotional investment in it like that. Then start hanging pictures, again, not just because it looks pretty, but because it means something to you. I have paintings that my friends did for me. Some of them represent really cool shit to me, they may look silly, but they're mine, and they will ALWAYS fucking hang up in my rooms. Deal with it. Then you can escalate into taking over different areas of the room/house.
Respect your family limits. I don't bring back all of the girls to my place for many reasons. I don't want to be railing a girl in the middle of a weeknight and wake my mother up when she's sleeping for work. That's just fucking rude. Stay quiet when you can. I also don't have parties here, I keep a nice house and don't want it fucked up. However, I do have friends over often. I have dinner parties or just have some drinks before we head out around me. During reasonable hours and it isn't ridiculous. I also tell my mother when it will happen. This may be different for many people (especially those of you with younger siblings), but this is going to require personal knowledge of your situation. You should be the best person to know what the lines are here.
You should come to the point where you now have some power over your family, and you're respecting their limits. Now there are two paths to come down this road. Forgiveness or Permission. Permission might seem like the right road, but I prefer forgiveness. I had a strict "No girls allowed" rule in my house. I just started doing it. I wasn't loud and proud, but I wasn't hiding it either. Eventually my mom brought it up to me, I was honest. "Look, I'm an adult now, and I understand the situation. I'm grateful that you are letting me stay here so I can better my life and ours. I will contribute what I can at the moment, but you also need to respect my lifestyle. I may have girls over." I also played with the power dynamic enough at that point where I was viewed as a necessity for the household, so this small acceptance on her part compromised virtually nothing compared to the perceived benefits of letting me stay with that lifestyle.
Just like game, I attribute most of my success to the fact that I am capable and willing to leave. My family knows that. The benefits of me living at home widely exceed the costs, and despite the fact that it might appear that I am reliant, it is my choice to live there.
In the field
Ok, you now have a situation where you are capable bringing a girl home… now what?
- Don't hide, Don't advertise it.
I don't walk up to girls and tell them I live at home, but I don't hide it. I just refer to it as my place, because it fucking is. If it is topically relevant I will say that I live at home. Not too long ago, a girl I am currently seeing and I first met. She said "I would never be with a guy who lives at home." She made it her joke I responded "You're right, I would never take you home, you'd be too loud and wake everyone up in the middle of the night." That got her attention. Accept and amplify.
If I have to get serious I do. You have a lot of things to go on: taking care of your family in rough times, being there for your animals, etc. The possibilities are endless, use some game here, bitches.
I had an… exciting situations, and long story short, I don't typically do same-night-lays anymore. I normally go through few week relationships. So I bring people home in a more sober state, after I have known them for a while. That gives me more time to establish comfort and make them hooked on me so the home situation doesn't seem that big of a deal.
I plan my day 2s, or dates in general, something that's logistically close to them. You'll have to brush up on a few parts of your game to get into their apartment which can be difficult in a city. Dropping someone off in an area with no parking can be difficult, you'll want to walk them back in those situations. You'll need an excuse to get into that apartment/house as well. "I have to use the bathroom." Works. I'm sure there are some slicker guys on here for this, and honestly, I'd like to have some suggestions.
However, my fall back is I can always bring them home, I've made my family situation such that It's cool for me to do it, but I don't turn my place into a brothel.
Conclusion.
Listen. You're an adult, and you've made the decision to live at home. I have not met one person who isn't absolutely jealous at my lifestyle, and the things I do with my saved money (this is currently being written from my room in Thailand as I deal with the jet lag as I wait for my tailor's shop to open up). However, you should own your situation. Contribute to your family, be grateful, and make them need you. This will give you the power to bargain and demand things from them. Once you're there? Mark off your territory, make it yours. Respect their limits, and then correctly plan your day 2s and game on.
Winky face, bitches. -Chazz
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