so i understand the concept of coming from abundance, i think it'd be great for me to be honest.

but that's in theory. in practise i can't shake the guilt.

i've been played, spectacularly so, by guys before and as a result i know how much it hurts. and so if i know how much ____ hurts, why would i want to inflict that kind of pain on someone else?

bringing this to dating/PU - say i meet this guy, i'm doing fine, still living my own life. at that stage it'd be ideal to go get one or two or more other guys to keep the oneitis off and to keep my wits about me.

but i just feel guilty. i know that guy has done nothing to deserve my loyalty from day 1, i get that but it's not about him. it's the guys that i'm using as a 'distraction' or as a foil for him. i'm not AS interested so i feel like i'm just messing them about. and i don't want to hurt them like that because as i mentioned above, i've been hurt like that. i don't want to be 'that girl.'

i don't want to after a month or so of chatting with them, getting drinks with them to be like 'oh btw, was seeing other people and i like them more' because they could've really gotten their feelings involved. keep in mind no sex.

i don't know, i'm mentally toying around with the the idea that maybe this stems from what i mentioned about and also because i know too many guys that already don't trust women because of bad relationships with their mother or that one raging manipulative bitch that tore them to pieces. i don't want to give them more reason to not trust women. because even if i'm not the right girl i don't want to possible contribute to them not going ahead with their right girl.

and i know how egotistical ^ that all sounds, as if i alone have all that power. but most people don't know the effect they have on others and never find out.

and what if, say i get 'that guy' that i was keen on from day 1 - how do i go about kindly but firmly turning down the other collateral guys - having 'that conversation'

so i'm looking for some advice, maybe some of you guys can help me get my head screwed on straight, or just give me a male's perspective on it especially if you've been in a similar situation where you're the guy.

thank you, i really appreciate it!