Career Vs Girls... advice?

Aghayden · 2019-01-15T02:07:53+00:00

Do both, you're only limitation here is your beliefs. Do you think no one in the past has managed to have as busy a schedule as you while also having a good dating life? Of course they have, you just have to make it a priority. The average American consumes 10 hours of digital media per day. Even if you only do a third of that if you cut that from your life you'd have plenty of time to approach women on campus. I used to take 19 credits while also working 40 hours a week and I still managed to go out 4-5 times per week, there's no reason you can't do the same.

raj_ams · 2019-01-15T03:00:24+00:00

Career first always for the simple reason that girls like a guy who has a vision.

noprideinsomniac95 · 2019-01-15T03:20:46+00:00

Your social life and professional life aren't mutually exclusive. In fact, you shouldn't be sacrificing either. It's great that you're so invested in your future, but you should absolutely be gaming if that's what you want to do. If you get to the point where you start failing classes, then that's a different story, but I don't think that'll happen to you. You sound like you got a good head on your shoulders, I mean with a full time job at 19 you're already way ahead of the curve

funnyfaceguy · 2019-01-15T03:29:00+00:00

For that reason, I avoid putting myself out there because I fear failure in business.

If you're good an being an insurance agent now then you will be good at being an insurance agent later. Put yourself out there, you can always go back and you're still young so you're not losing as much progress as it might feel like. In fact even if you fail you'll be making more progress, in terms of life skills, than staying in your comfort zone. You have skill, you've admitted it yourself and now you just need confidence.

In terms of the relationship this is also something I also struggle with. You could keep it casual, minimal time investment there or find someone also going through life at your speed and be open and honest about how you might not being able to spend as much time with them as you'd like because you're busy.

recyclablebanthas · 2019-01-15T04:30:23+00:00

1

.......have gone out a little in the past, on Tinder, etc. I live alone in a city where I have no family or very many friends(no time due to work/school).

Look, you have issues already described here, which are larger than "seduction" specifically.

The family think might not be something you can help. But in a city, you have no real excuse for being socially isolated. There are tons of things to do in most any metro area.

Just because you have work or school, isn't an excuse. You're talking about a CHOICE as to what you are prioritizing here. Everyone has limited time with which to do things and see people, etc. And no, Tinder isn't trying. Tinder is being lazy and trying short cuts that don't really help.

2

I am 19 years old in college doing 8-10 credits a semester. I work full time as an insurance agent.......

Look, I get it; getting good at something is a really good feeling. But believe it or not, there are people who get good at something and have social lives. Plus, you're only 19 and still in college. Especially given that your parents are in a position to help support you, this is a building and improvement phase for your life, when you have the opportunity to develop your priorities in life, in addition to your skills.

3

.....I avoid putting myself out there because I fear failure in business. Quite simply, I don’t want to get distracted and lose my edge....

This sort of talk, is the path in life you can certainly take. But I'm going to tell you right up front, that this approach to life doesn't lead to some magical destination point where you've suddenly arrived. If you choose this path, it doesn't end. The social life you have right now, doesn't get better or easier to make later on, because you'll never arrive at a point where you're really comfortable cutting back on your commitment to work.

Maybe after 30 or 40, you might finally ease up, but by then you'll have missed out on a lot of youth, man.

4

I have this horrible feeling inside myself that is a mixture of loneliness and self-hatred.....I don’t like being like this; by like this I mean valuing career success over parties..... I always feel like I waste my time at them.

You've just expressed two conflicting desires, maybe more:

Desire to focus on work, which can probably be broken down further into:
- Desire to be special or have significance
- Desire to succeed
- Desire not to starve
- Desire to be challenged
- And so on.
Desire to belong/to have connection

Look, I'm going to be fucking blunt here. You can't meet both your desires, the way you're going now. You can't.

5

Making friends is pretty much out of the question, because I’m so different than everyone else I go to school with(pertaining to my focus in my career).

It feels good to be challenged and to meet those challenges. There's nothing like it.

However, as I've just alluded to, you're no different from many people because these basic desires I have just mentioned, are BASIC human desires. And while it might feel extra good to feel like you're "so different" from everyone else because of your focus on your career, what you are arguably doing here is meeting your desire to be challenged and be significant, at the expense of your ability to belong or connect with others.

It doesn't have to be this way.

recyclablebanthas · 2019-01-15T04:30:31+00:00

6

I don’t want to spend my youth completely locked away from fun for career gain, but I also don’t want to get distracted and not succeed as an agent and have to get a normal job after graduation.

Do you think that this is really your only shot at success? This one opportunity you have been presented with at the ripe OLD damn age of 19? Really?

Jeff Bezos started Amazon at 31.
Julia Child started her career as a world famous chef at 50.
Samuel L. Jackson got his big break at 43.
Stan Lee didn’t create his first comic until he was 39. He created The Fantastic Four and his other well known creations AFTER turning 40.
Vera Wang entered the fashion industry at 40.
Ray Kroc, founder of McDonalds, started at age 52.
Colonel Sanders, founder of KFC, started at 62.

So it's your job to tell that voice of fear in your head to shut the fuck up. Fear is telling you that the only shot you have is to sacrifice meeting all your other needs, to meet just a few of them.

You are currently acting as if it's all or nothing. Be social and develop social skills, or have a career. False. That's fear talking, giving you a false dichotomy. And supervisors at your job, are going to encourage that because they don't mind having someone who gives up having a life to work harder for them because it lines THEIR pockets.

7

.....mixture of loneliness and self-hatred whenever I go to school and see all the pretty girls that I could be taking to.

Look, I know you want to get laid and/or seek out love, right?

Well then, it needs to be said that seeking that those things out FIRST, is a huge mistake. You have to be able to walk before you run. And while a lot of PUAs will tell you or sell you on the idea that there are short cuts or just one trick you can use to get her to drop her pants and be completely loyal or whatever shit.....

.....The truth is, if you want to get a girl in any way shape of form, you start off with low-hanging fruit. Making friends and maintaining a social circle. The following skills are your basic foundation for "game."

Confidence. The ability to confidently and comfortably express (non-verbally especially) what one wants.
Empathy. The ability to tune into the other person, pick up on what they want, and offer that to them.
Boundaries . The ability to draw your own lines and only offer up what you're actually okay offering up. (Example: Offering help is fine, but offering to help at the expense of constantly sacrificing yourself, is going too far.)
Logistics. One needs the place and opportunity for things to escalate, assuming one wants to escalate to sex, etc.

8

You want to develop those skills? Try one of the following:

Hash runs: Trail running + beer + fit people = win
Couchsurfing meets. Hang with travelers and people who like to be around travelers.
Social partner dancing: Salsa, Lindy Hop, West Coast Swing, Argentine Tango, just to name a few. You really can't go wrong. Learn something fun and have an excuse to be close to a girl in a fun and non-threatening way. (Just respect it as an activity & means to meet new people and work on self-improvement first, and place to meet women second.)
Download the Meet-up app. Scan for groups near you that you share an interest with.
Do a Facebook search for your city/town/area. Look under the Groups and Events tabs. Or you might search your city + some activity you're specifically interested in.

9

You want God Mode? The closest thing to life hacks is taking a social partner dancing class. Your university probably offers some at decent rates, considering the average cost per class during a semester.

RunItGunIt · 2019-01-15T05:54:46+00:00

Dude

All work and no play makes Josh a dull boy.

You need to have a balanced life.

I was working crazy hours in a job and that's a recipe for disaster. Look at how you feel now. Imagine after a year of this, 5 years, 10.

Title	Career Vs Girls... advice?
Author	throwawayjosh13
Upvotes	0
Comments	11
Date	January 15, 2019 1:48 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ag38qe/career_vs_girls_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/career-vs-girls-advice.1460538 https://theredarchive.com/post/1460538

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