I was replying to this post, and felt comment might be worth it to those not following thread:

Often there is advice given for anti-communication, meaning don't ask how she feels about you, where she thinks things are headed, etc. This is because usually when guys are asking it comes from a needy place where you are looking for her validation, and you are scared you might get a negative answer. You are really asking "Are you thinking about leaving me, because I am scared you might". So we play games instead to try to increase attraction / desire. I disagree with this approach.

The following is my general frame for communication with a girl, which I think is very important. Any sort of IOD, being non-responsive or even just a weird look will have me probing the inner issues, and this generally leads to great communication in a relationship.

My Frame:

I am a protector of people in my life, especially women. I believe that having me in their life is an amazing thing for them, from great sex to emotional support to having someone they can trust and count on and get advice from. If they are simply misinterpreting something about me (leading to distance), then I feel its my job to correct the error so we can keep things going. If she is unhappy and it is legitimate reason, then I need to either change (if I decide it's in my own best interest), or proceed to end relationship.

For any of that to happen, I need to communicate with her on what her feelings actually are. For her best interest, not mine. This means I can probe as much as I want without it being needy, insecure, or any other negative qualities.