Unfortunately i can not make my entire life about learning to become more sociable and being able to pick up women. Unfortunately there are other aspects involved such as school, eat, sleep, learning and much much more.

My day started off awfully when first period i had a talk with my teacher about an assignment that i absolutely butchered. Im trying to become more of a stoic and not be bothered by failure as much. But its still a lingering pain like a bruise that doesn't go away unless i stop thinking about it. (Who would have thought). Because of my added stress today i don't think i was as expressive as i could have been. I wasn't in a good mood but i still tried. My goal today was to start a conversation with someone i normally don't and... I DID IT!! I did it twice in fact.

The first person i talked to, i said some lines and legit as soon as i walked past i felt like crying. I was so.... relieved. i was relieved that nothing bad seemed to happen i felt so empowered and after the feeling of having to cry had left i had a feeling of confidence that i could do it again!

My conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey X, whats up?

X: Not much Frosty, how about you?

Me: Yeah i'm good, have a good day man!

AND I LEFT!! It was meant to be a walk by, my goal was to say good morning or something similar to someone, it wasn't meant to be an approach and discussion. Soon after that i walked past someone else i haven't spoken to in ages and i had a brief conversation about stuff going on at school.

From context you may have gathered that in my accomplishments i had only spoken with men. I have tried to have brief conversation with girls, but thats only with girls that i already kind of know. Im yet to approach a girl stranger. I think i need more practice before i can talk to a fellow girl peer, i feel like if its too soon ill be labeled as some kind of creep and i don't want my reputation ruined as much as it already seems to be.

I tried making more eye contact today as that is something i struggle with. Something I've noticed is that, everyone seems to have such a piercing stare. its like they are looking right at me, at my soul. And i realise now how intimate looking in someones eyes are. Its not sexual, its so 1 on 1, its so personal. Its like everything stops existing when looking someone in the eyes. With time, that feeling will probably go away and ill be more comfortable looking at others in the eye. I tried to look at them in the eye every so often when they were explaining something. I also tried eye contact the whole time while they were talking. I found that they tend to look away as well.

Another problem i think i have is that, i'm not aware of how my presence affects others. Im taller than most people in my year and i'm quite large. Im not sure if i'm intimidating people. I tried smiling more today and opening my eyes more than usual, because i seem to have those kind of lazy cat eyes. A girl once described them as bedroom eyes but i don't believe it.

Todays weather was pretty awful as well and because of this i think i noticed some things. The amount of energy people seemed to have. It was cold and raining. People were cold and stormy. People seemed less expressive than usual, so this makes me wonder if pickup is very dependent on weather or if i can literally become some kind of ray of sunshine and make others more interested in me and expression.

I still feel really awkward making conversation and looking people in the eyes, ill have to look more into body language. I have to set goals for myself. I really struggle with my sweaty hands. I feel so self conscious about touching other people because i'm worried their going to feel my sweat and go ew yuck. The worst part i think about an insult is not that its directed at you, its that anyone else who hears in who doesn't know you personally will take that as a fact about you. People i don't even know, will remember something embarrassing about me just because a 'friend' made a rude joke about me or my features.

I think i should have a look at Alpha Male Stratagies (AMS youtube channel), that way i can learn more about respect and how i can get others to respect me and how i can learn to not be affected by something that sounds so stupid.

My Goals for tomorrow are to talk to more people. Make better prolonged eye contact. And talk to a girl, nothing approach, i'm not trying to seduce her. Im trying to talk to her. LETS DO THIS!

Please give me any advice or discuss any of my points i've made, i want to grow and the best way to prove you know something is to teach it to others. By teaching me, your game improves as well. Good luck fellas