I've been reading these threads a lot lately and have been in a similar boat of "Am I good looking enough" and this or that. So I won't rant on about self-confidence and stuff but instead, feel free to dig through those threads and develop yourself into someone you are happy with so that draws similar people.

Whether it's hookups, ONS, FWB or relationships. It always comes down to IRL vs Online dating, and depending on the person one works better than the other one. However, IMO, these are the reasons why we should keep at it whether its online or not.

Online dating apps:

Good exposure with minimum effort - This means you can get good exposure to a lot of people that you may never actually meet IRL. The effort is minimum because you could be on the toilet swiping, eating breakfast, etc, and only requires you to put up some decent photos or a quirky bio.

However for a guy (me), its definitely tougher than IRL because you're swamped into a piranha sea with about 100+ guys doing the same thing. A few female friends I know, get about 9999+ match opportunities on tinder but they still find it difficult to match someone they like. From reaccounts as well, once you're on a online domain you generally want to match with the "hottest" person possible, and your standards shoot straight up. There is definitely a dark tinge on online dating as its more like a hookup culture, but if you don't participate you might miss out on that lucky opportunity.

Secondly, online dating is completely a business. Tinder bringing out 4 different tier levels to hide your exposure or now recently paying to pin your conversation to the topic for the girl you choose. This really sucks, but if you've got the money it's not a bad idea. I also know that the subscription cost grows as you get older cause in theory you earn more as you are older.

For me, online dating burns my mental game and always makes me think about whether i'm good enough or not. And it might spontaneously go straight up when i match an attractive girl, who then might ghost you later on.

The main thing to take is, within the age bracket I'm in which is 18-27 there aren't really many people on those apps who are taking it seriously or on it 24/7. So don't take it srsly either but if you come across something that works, don't brush it off and go for it.

IRL:

Even playing field but depending on your confidence, how you behave, how you dress etc. But standards are so much lower here cause it's not subjective to how you look but how you speak and what cards you play when you're talking to the person. This could be at a bar, club, outside, etc because generally as long as you're a creep, people will give you a small part of the time of their day to talk to you.

Rather than mindlessly swiping, you can get instantly the hint if she/he likes you from the gestures or the way they talk. Maybe she's smiling at you from afar?

Covid does suck and heaps of part of the world are suffering so meeting IRL right now can be hard, especially the face masks. So my advice is don't go out IRL looking for it, let it happen naturally which could be at the supermarket buying toilet paper or whatever Covid craze is happening. If someone interests you then try talk to them, they will give you their time of the day! If you look like you're having a great time and fun, it'll attract potential people to you.

I think this numbers game thing is stupid cause what's the real point getting 20 numbers when your only interested because they are attractive. Perhaps if you're into hook ups and thats okay, but in the longer term the right mindset is not "Does she like me", its "Do I like her" during your conversation. have fun with it, perhaps you do like her but it doesn't work... at least you learnt something and you had fun.

Being Asian I thought it was hard to get non-asian girls, which may be true on apps but IRL as long as you be yourself, they will see that you're "cool" and want to hang out, etc. Get past that mindset that white girls don't like Asian guys, heaps of them do but in general, people keep to what they know so, break the boundaries and make it happen. This has given me a lot of success, Trust!

TLDR:

People on online dating generally try to match the "hottest person", don't let your mental game get deteriorated by this. However dating apps are minimum effort with good exposure, so take part in it.

IRL is so much easier, work on yourself and your confidence. Don't look for it and just have fun flirting, hooking up and dating. It's an even playing field, there's no such thing that "This race doesn't like to date this race" - get past that mindset and you'll win.