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[–]EthicalSeduction 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
First off she isn't damaged. She just got out of a long term relationship and is trying to figure out what she wants. That's normal.
Have a discussion about what you both like and want, what your boundaries are (such as no blowing me off without first communicating why), and look for the areas and places you overlap. Perhaps you both will choose not to be exclusive (because that's too serious for where she is so just take that pressure off) but to hang out maybe once a week or so because you do actually like each other. Don't do things where someone feels pressured. You don't owe each other anything, but if you like hanging out together, then do that. A little freedom and communication can go a long way to taking the edge off and stopping the ghosting.
[–]jgaud710 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
The day she started pushing me away she started taking new anti depressants. She said it made her realize she wasn’t ready for anything yet. But she would still try and keep me on a leash without letting me communicate how I felt. At the same time it would be hard for me to tell her what I expected from her because like you said she doesn’t owe me shit.
[–]EthicalSeduction 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Well taking the anti depressants is a good thing. That can make a huge difference.
What sort of things did she do to keep you on a leash? That is some strong wording and I'm sure you chose it for a real reason.
General thought: With relationships you don't want to be forcing things or forcing the other person into doing anything. The more freedom you can be comfortable giving them the better. So if you can be okay with not hearing from them for a while when they take time for themselves, great! But you should also only invest in them what it's worth. So if they are not reliable and flaky, that's okay, but you won't be able to really count on them. And if that gets too annoying, you won't be interested.
[–]jgaud710 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Read my post
[–]EthicalSeduction 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay. If you feel she played with you and such then yeah, just let her go.
[–]selfawareblue 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Yeah you don’t wanna be around any girl who can have that kind of effect on you. The goal psychologically is for you to be such a rock that no girl in the world can affect your mental peace.
[–]jgaud710 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
That’s just not possible for me I’m on this sub for a reason obviously I have some problems too
[–]selfawareblue 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Most of us get into game for validation — we want to be loved and we want attention, we’re too scared of not being wanted. So when we see someone who shows that she doesn’t want us, that activates that part of our brains that wants to do whatever it takes for her to want us.
If she knows how to play the game, then she’s just squeezing you for attention. The moment you give her that attention, she goes away, because that’s all she wanted from you. She’ll do whatever it takes to keep you around for that fix of attention. Right now, that’s just texting you randomly — the moment you respond, she’s got what she wanted, and she fucks off.
Yea. Well I blocked her for that shit I hate that she treated me like that
[–]selfawareblue -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good boundary setting. Now just move on - you’ve got a belt that needs more notches, not to be hung up on one girl who doesn’t care about you.
[–]ftdrain 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This dude is correct, if your mental state depends on how your relationship is going with a girl, you are fucked, Ive been through a very similar situation to yours recently, only difference is that I fucked up and pushed her way, either way, its bad to be this attached to any girl
[–]ftdrain 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How do you know you pushed her away ?
Because she wanted to start using condoms as we had no exclusivity (I was seeing other girls), but then I said that it would be better if we just stayed friends, pretty bad, I know, then it went to shit from there, she flaked a couple of dates, there were audios crying etc.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Just reading the title was a red flag 🚩, let alone reading about the damaged girl. Walk away dude !
[–]jgaud710 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The thing is this made me feel like I had red flags for some reason and took a toll on my mental health because I really did click with her this is just the surface there is so much I like about this girl. But just the way she treated me made me feel awful so I did have to cut her off. Like I can’t get over the fact that it has to be something wrong with me not her.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It's not whether you like her or not, she had you wrapped around her finger.
[–]jgaud710 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea she did because I fcking loved her for some retarded reason
[–]gbsteve75 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your initial instinct was correct. Now you're just in the validation barn when she needs it.
[–]iaintnowizkid 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She’s not interested in you. Your first mistake was reacting when she began acting distant. Whenever a woman acts distant you let her go, never put any effort when in that situation. It’s a key moment, where she establishes who has the upper hand. Once you began getting emotional and asking her if it was something else, you lost her. I’ve been there. She’s fucking someone else. Just move on, though I know it stings.
[–]FitEffective -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I had a girl like this..... Just run in the opposite direction
[–]CocoBabeNYC -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Treat a queen like a whore and a whore like a queen.
[–]Rico-Savage88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Drop her and block her.
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[–]EthicalSeduction 4 points5 points6 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]jgaud710 -1 points0 points1 point (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]EthicalSeduction 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]jgaud710 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]EthicalSeduction 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]selfawareblue 3 points4 points5 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]jgaud710 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]selfawareblue 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]jgaud710 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]selfawareblue -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ftdrain 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ftdrain 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]jgaud710 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ftdrain 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]jgaud710 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jgaud710 -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]gbsteve75 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]iaintnowizkid 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FitEffective -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CocoBabeNYC -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Rico-Savage88 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link