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[–]Creepy-Storage-1786 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
There are tons of videos about kino on youtube. Make sure you are hygienic and do not smell bad. Do not overthink it.
HUMANS NEED TO BE TOUCHED OR ELSE THEY DEVELOP ILLNESS.
[–]guythatsprettyscared 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'll watch, thanks. I am hygienic. And yes, I am aware of our need of touch and overall physicality.
[–]masterduelistky 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel exactly the same, let me know if you ever figure out a solution.
[–]guythatsprettyscared 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice to feel less alone.
Maybe the solution is just to keep trying, you know? Maybe there was a point in your life when just talking or saying a joke in front of a group was pretty out there for you, and now maybe it's easy peasy. I know that's how it was for me. Maybe this is the same (maybe a bit harder because more negative emotion is involved) but healable nonetheless.
[–]Travis_Varga 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Anyway, I did it, right? Kinda? I took a step in overcoming a deep rooted, probably trauma caused fear I have. So why don't I feel any good about myself? Why don't I feel proud of taking that step?
Well do you know that it’s moral, necessary for your happiness, to pursue romance for yourself? That includes developing a romantic relationship towards liking each other enough to have sex.
Why do you feel self-disgust about pursuing sex with women?
The only thing I can really feel is disgust towards myself. I feel like it was forced, I feel like I was cringy as fuck, and everytime I remember what I did yesterday, I cringe. HARD. I can't stop thinking of how awkward it was, and how unnatural I am with these things.
You’re not viewing your step as an accomplishment, so it’s going to be impossible for you to feel proud of it. You’re not judging yourself relative to where you were before.
What it really forced or awkward or unnatural? I’m assuming you mean that it wasn’t natural. If so, then so what? Why does it matter and what are you going to do about it? For one, it doesn’t stop you from successfully pursuing romance with her. For two, it’s inevitable in the learning process that you go through this. Going through this is a good sign, not a bad one.
Were you really cringy? If so, then so what? Why does it matter and what are you going to do about it?
Maybe your explaining your fear to her was a bit too much information to share to quickly and cringy, but I don’t know. Maybe it’s fine, and it wasn’t enough to put her off.
In my understanding of seduction, it's a whole different thing getting a girl to like you and want to date you (romantic attraction), and getting a girl to really wanna jump your bones (sexual attraction).
I don’t think that’s right exactly. Sex is an essential, necessary part of romantic relationships. Otherwise all you have is a friendship. Seduction in romance is more about presenting yourself well and how to progress the relationship well so that a woman who’s compatible with you comes to know and like you. Part of that progress includes sex.
The only fix is CBT right?
Not necessarily, but a CBT can help you. But you can also do the work alone. Lectures on Psychology: A Guide to Understanding Your Emotions by Dr. Edith Packer might be helpful to you, its got some decent advice for emotions and some decent guidelines for progression in a romantic relationship.
Also, now that I think about it, why are you escalating with that girl? Generally speaking, when escalating, you should be escalating because you like her enough to want to touch her, supposing you didn’t feel self-disgust, and not just for the sake of escalation. Was that the case on your date?
[–]guythatsprettyscared 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Otherwise all you have is a friendship. Seduction in romance is more about presenting yourself well and how to progress the relationship well so that a woman who’s compatible with you comes to know and like you.
Thanks for the very complete reply.
Yes I do know it's a necessary thing to do, hence why I'm pursuing it, the best way I can at the moment
I feel disgust not because I'm pursuing it, but because I'm so terrible at it.
You're right, I should view this as some sort of win, no matter how awkward about it I still feel.
I feel like I'm already pretty decent at showing the person I am, in most if not all aspects, except for the displaying sexual interest. I make my self cringe so hard doing this (because I have trouble doing it).
Thanks for the book recommendation about managing emotions btw.
I tried escalating with that girl because I'm physically attracted to her, and I'm very aware of my escalation fear, so I thought I would cease the opportunity to improve myself. Sure, I like her enough to want to touch her, but I also really want to overcome this fear that I hate in myself (hence the self-disgust).
Thanks again.
[–]Travis_Varga 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You’re welcome. If you continue pursuing women you like and recognizing your achievements as good for doing so, you’ll get over it. Good luck.
Thanks a lot!
[–]atomant88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
always ask for consent before touching anyone. if youre not asking for consent you should feel gross
[–]guythatsprettyscared -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Asking kills any attraction she had in the first place
[–]atomant88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
sexual assault doesnt build attraction
[–]guythatsprettyscared -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Dude you're looking at things wrong If a chick likes you, and is comfortable with you, she's going to give you signs that they do feel confortable being touched by you, and even if you do happen to over extend yourself a bit, you withdraw and apologize respectfully. That's not sexual assault, relax.
[–]atomant88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yes it is. The only sign you can touch someone is verbal consent. The law specifically says passivity does not grant consent
[–]guythatsprettyscared -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I'm sure you follow everything about the law to a tee mate. You must have them all lined up for you if you go like ''can I hold your hand?'' ''can I kiss you?'' '' can I touch your leg?''
[–]atomant88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If you say it right then yeah it enhances everything. If you cant turn them on verbally you have no business touching them in the first place.
[–]guythatsprettyscared -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You're lying to yourself bud
[–]atomant88 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have lots of experience that backs me up. Consent is good game AND it's the right thing to do.
[–]guythatsprettyscared -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sure it is
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[–]Creepy-Storage-1786 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]masterduelistky 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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