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[–]SlevinLe 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Dont lie to yourself, you dont want to be "just friends". If she ever respond to your text be clear and tell her what you really want. If she says "I'm not sure right now, I need time ecc.." just tell her to contact you when she feels like it. After this NO TEXT, NO CALLS, NO LIKES ON INSTA or other bullshit, she is dead to you. Just wait it out, if she likes you enough she will eventually contact you. If she does, set up a date and try to not fuck it up by being too needy and insecure like you were before, because thats the reason why she left you in the first place.
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I caught feelings and I told her. Is that really being clingy and insecure?
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Secondly, what is the right action to do when you sense a girl is pulling away? I kind of went direct and asked. But idk if I made the right choice
[–]SlevinLe 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Then we spent the previous 2 months dating (mid June-mid August), texting everyday, and planning trips, hanging out as often as we could, etc.
This is the part where you were needy and insecure. You dont text her everyday, you dont hang out as often as you can. You need to have a life outside of her. Stay busy, stay interesting. Your post is not that detailed on your background and your previous relationship with this girl, so more insight could help, but usually when a girl pulls back like this is because the things I listed before.
Secondly, what is the right action to do when you sense a girl is pulling away?
You pull back away too. You need to give her the gift of missing you. If you are always available for her, shes gonna get bored easily. Cat-string theory basically. When you pull back, if she likes you enough, she will miss you and se will reach out. Thats when you ask her to get together, and set up a date.
I asked her directly if she saw this going anywhere and she said she's not ready for a relationship right now
You never ask this kind of question, never. If you have to ask this, it means you are insecure and needy. When she says "I'm not ready for a relationship right now", it means that you need to slow down, you need to pull back. It has to be her idea to have a relationship. She sould be asking you this kind of questions. Also, if as you said the relationship was "not exclusive", you should be dating other girls anyway and not worrying about defining things with her. She should be the one bringing out the "being exclusive thing", not you. This is also a test to see how you respond, and you definitely failed it.
What would be the best approach here to rebuilding the friendship over the long term? I'm worried that I may have lost her as a friend.
You already lost her as a friend. Act normally, go on with your life, date other girls, dont contact her. If she ever reach out, ask her when she is free to hang out with you. Set up a definite date and go from there. But dont expect this to happen in the short time, if at all. Dont obsess over her, go out and live your life.
[–]tastless_chill_tonic 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
sadly
you need a time machine
either to go back in time
or
forward
but right now it is pointless to pursue anything
[–]TheSunshineMan 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You don't really want her as a friend - I think going that route will only hurt you in the long run and hold you back.
[–]SpookyKG 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
She you she wanted to be friends.
Then you went and got all dramatic, telling her no, unfriending, refriending, telling her yes, etc.
She did not want the complications. In response you got more complicated and annoying.
You need to chill.
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah you’re right. Is that something I can fix you think?
[–]SpookyKG 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Not in the classic way of 'fix.' You're looking for something to DO.
Instead, you should stop doing things. Your instincts are bad. They got you here so far.
So I just ignore her until she reaches out to me?
[–]SpookyKG 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Move on and be normal, like a normal person who is not obsessed with somebody and who has their own life.
She might not ever reach out. You should not be waiting for her to. You should be living a better life.
Just came back to let everyone know I smashed last night!
[–]Mager1794 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You rejected her friendship, and you kind of threw a tantrum by unfollowing her. The fact that it lasted only 2 days shows that it was a tantrum.
You turned around and asked for the friendship that you visibly rejected. Unfollowing people is not standard behavior for disputes.
I would say that you are super into this girl and you very likely showed some level of obsessive behavior that caused her to pull back.
Falling hard for someone is totally okay, but when it happens so quickly, especially in the middle of an evolving relationship dynamic, it can get really scary and make her feel like you never truly considered her a friend, but an opportunity.
Also, again, that unfollowing shit shows so much weakness. Its like shouting as loud as you possibly can that you have zero capability of managing your emotions.
This makes me feel sick. I really fucked this up
Is it too late to apologize for all of that shit?
[–]Careful-Evening-5187 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She realized you were trying to date her and you considered it a "relationship", when she on the other hand thought you two were just hanging out.
She then shut you down when you took it like an obsessive weirdo.
You then came up with the "let's just be friends"....which she obviously saw through.
It's finished. Don't do this with the next girl.
I asked her out for specifically a date and she said yes tho.
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[–]SlevinLe 8 points9 points10 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SlevinLe 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]tastless_chill_tonic 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheSunshineMan 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpookyKG 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpookyKG 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SpookyKG 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mager1794 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Careful-Evening-5187 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BeachPlease92 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link