Most of the time, I keep field reports to myself, but I feel like there are lessons to be shared from my last night out.

I won't be dissecting every set into detail, as I believe the overall lessons were much more important

I had a shitty day. Barely ate, terribly tired from classes, from back-to-school stress, and from an old oneitis girl reentering my life. I haven't been out at all in a couple of weeks due to sickness. But I decided I had been sitting on my ass long enough.

Over these past few weeks, I've read a lot about inner game and the importance of state and subtext - far more than I had previously. After a while out of action, I decided to give direct game a try (as opposed to the much more technical style I'm used to).

The area basically consists of a few bars and clubs blasting crappy music, so I tend to avoid the dancefloors. There were exchange students everywhere. Right off the bat, though, I find myself struggling. My friend (a nice guy usually but an AFC) shows up drunk off his ass and talking very loudly and unnaturally. We meet some mutual friends and I do a bit of warm approaches and chit chat to try to warm up, but I barely get into state. I get blown out from a set by escalating and kino'ing way too quickly, and another 2-set who I stupidly approached while crossing the road.

At this point, I've been doing enough game to be relatively outcome independent, but in between physical exhaustion and trying to deal with a drunken wing, I could not get into a state of congruency and purposefulness. I do usually get fulfillment from just the act of opening sets, but I knew clearly that I was underperforming, regardless of how the sets were reacting.

I finally see a close female friend (my mate's girlfriend) being chatted up by a big Pakistani guy - Happy to see her, I run up and hug her, and she is clearly happy for my interjection. I playfully sweep her off her legs, carry her and spin around. Unfortunately, big Pakistani guy was not too happy, hammering me with "Why did you push me?!!" and going full macho AMOG mode.

I had miscalculated and thought I could defuse the situation without too much trouble. And if this guy wasn't so ready to use physical violence, it would have easily been defused. However, it eventually became apparent that big Paki guy's crew was around a dozen strong, hounding me for an apology. By this time, I had nobody with me. Long story short, there was a bit of a scuffle, but I left the situation relatively unscathed.

It was no point in recovering from that point on, so I finally had a drink, chilled out and went back to my dorm. Was this a scary situation? Yes! Did I feel shitty on my way home? You bet! But I learn way more from shitty nights than I do on good nights.

From this night, I extracted two important lessons:

  • When placed in front of a potentially violent confrontation, let go of your pride and back down if you think you're approaching the limit. That's not to say always back down from any threat, but one needs to be smart and calibrate accordingly. I could say with certainty that I would not have been quite so lucky if I did not have a clear and sober mind at the time. I refer here to Todd Valentine's video documenting an experience with an unruly boyfriend and encounters with law enforcement, where he talks about exploring where these "limits" are: https://youtu.be/Rl-l4j5b0mc

  • Pick up is not an exact science! Because of this, a style of pick up is only good if it works for you. I have benefitted greatly from reading deeper into female psychology and inner game, but pushing myself to adopting such a bold, direct style simply created incongruence! At some point, I would love to be able to approach direct and indirect with equal proficiency, but right now, I'm simply better off sticking to the style that I've used and has worked for me so far, and aiming to master this first. Whilst I see inner game development as essential not just for pick up, but personal wellbeing, there is no reason to feel the need to move on and transition as soon as possible to direct game. When we talk about "stop seeking validation", why should fellow PUAs be exempt from this rule?