Every time we try to learn a new skill, we suck at it at first. How do we do it anyway despite knowing we will suck? We get permission to suck. You sign up for a martial arts class, the teachers know you're brand new, you know you're brand new, and so there's no expectation from yourself or from anyone else for you to not suck. This applies everywhere. If you've never been to the gym before, going without a friend or a personal trainer can be incredibly daunting because nobody is there giving you permission to suck.

My experience with approach anxiety was to first try to absorb so much information that I just wouldn't suck. That is of course a total fallacy, and it took me a long time to accept that. Once you've accepted this, you're onto stage 2: knowing that you will of course suck at first.

The difficult thing is that it's hard to even give yourself permission to suck, because you've been socialising for decades and you have an expectation on yourself in regards to social skills. Furthermore, the girl you're sucking at talking to isn't giving you permission to suck either. There are guys younger than you that are way smoother.

Finding a wingman or hiring a dating coach is one way to get permission. Even if neither you nor the girl give permission, at least somebody does and that might be enough for you. You can give yourself permission by disassociating general social skills with skills in talking to women (while there is some overlap, there are a lot of things that you never learn without talking to women, so this is a correct disassociation to make). Finally, you could try getting the girl to give you permission by honestly stating to her early in the interaction that you're new at this. It may take the pressure off you but its a toss up whether the girl finds it endearing or is instantly turned off.

Hope this helps somebody out there, and I'm keen to know what you guys think about this. Just something I was thinking about earlier today when trying to work out why we often have no problems attempting to learn new things despite sucking at them.