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[–]ultrasuperthrowaway 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You have to start enjoying your life and doing things that interest you. For me it was going out and partying and going crazy at bars and clubs and that's how I managed to meet a lot of women. For you it might be something different like community service or sports or playing music but when you are having fun and doing things you love people take notice. Why do you want a partner? To enjoy life. Well first you have to start enjoying life in order to get a partner.
[–]Sinenominibus1 point 11 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I do enjoy life, trust me. Probably I exaggerated a bit while writing that, but I do have stuff I enjoy: I love reading and playing/listening to music, but these sadly don't require contact with lots of different people (well, it took me 3 years to find a goddamn band, to be honest, and we're still beginning, so it will be a lot of time until we'll be going at gigs) And, still, I find it hard to come up with something to say out of the blue, so I find it hard - if not impossible - to start conversations with people I don't know. But, you know, with my friends I'm quite chatty, I'm way more social with them.
[–]Fuzea2 points 11 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Start by just talking to random strangers with no intent of getting anything out of them. Just have a conversation to have a conversation. Go to your local downtown, ask homeless people to share their story. Go find some old guy out on a walk, talk with him. Just TALK. Become a person that knows how to carry a conversation. Once you can manage a conversation well enough, switch up your intent. Start talking to girls with the intent of dating/banging/whatever you want to do with them. Your conversation skills will translate. Pick-up is like public speaking. There are people that are naturally good at both of these things respectively, and there are people that have no idea what they're doing. Does this mean that the non-gifted public speaker can't become better than the gifted one? No, absolutely not, it just means that the non-gifted public speaker needs to put in time and dedication into his craft by actually speaking publicly in front of people. It's the same thing with pick-up. You can't improve without putting in the work. Also, you say you find it hard to start a conversation with someone unless there is a practical reason, that mind-set can be flipped. Is meeting someone desirable not practical? It is. If you want something, the practical thing to do would be to actively pursue that thing. You may not have work to correlate as a purpose for speaking to someone, but the desire to meet someone new replaces work as that avenue into starting a conversation. If you have anymore questions just message me or something, or refer to r/askseddit. Best of luck.
Start by just talking to random strangers Just have a conversation to have a conversation
This is what I find (almost) impossible. It feels really unnatural to me, the simple thought of doing this makes me uncomfortable, actually, this is the very source of my anguish and frustration. Knowing the way to solve my problem but not being able to actually change anything. How do I get out of this mental state?
Probably I'm way too rational. I taught myself how to think as rationally as possible, as, one day, I realized that most of the problems I had as a child (I had lots of anger and anxiety issues) were caused by myself not being rational enough (which is indeed normal for a child), but now that way of thinking is a problem itself, it seems.
I'll repeat what I said to the other guys who posted earlier: I have lots of interests in my life, I'm not depressed, I'm not unhappy (but not very happy as well), I don't think that I'm the ugliest man on earth or the most useless (I don't think I have serious confidence issues)
(BTW, thanks a lot for your help)
[–]SoldierGenerale 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Take a bootcamp. You need professional help.
[–]PM_ME_UR_SECONDS 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Not everyone has $3k for a stranger to force them to approach women, however.
[–]SoldierGenerale 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Then join a inner-circle and lots of the guys there will want to help you out abit. There free and located in alot cities. What I mean is you need face-to-face guidance. We can only do so much through reddit.
Good luck mate, wish you all the best.
For example, I don't.
Woah, really? Why? Mind that I tend to exaggerate when I speak in English (which is not my main language) as I learnt it from books and RPGs, so probably I've magnified my words a bit.
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[–]ultrasuperthrowaway 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Sinenominibus1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Fuzea2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Sinenominibus1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]SoldierGenerale 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]PM_ME_UR_SECONDS 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]SoldierGenerale 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sinenominibus1 point [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Sinenominibus1 point [recovered] | Copy Link